The Ripple Effect
by suerum
Summary: It's Christmas time at the penthouse and Spinelli and Jason have a falling out...
1. The Evening Before

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**_A/N: I have no rights or affiliation with the characters presented within this piece_**

_The Ripple Effect_

_Chapter 1: The Evening Before_

_It had to happen soon and it probably really did have to happen where it did and how it did, unfortunately the person most affected by it all didn't have a clue. He had just been trying to instill a sense of holiday cheer into their rather austere living space. After all it really hadn't been a banner year for either one of them and if a place ever "needed a little Christmas right now!" it was surely Stone Cold's penthouse. _

_Spinelli stepped back and admired the little Christmas tree. Sure it was a tad crooked but if you squinted and tilted your head it wasn't half bad. Really it was the wobble that gave the Jackal the most concern. He might have been the ace of cyberspace but he wasn't very mechanical. The man at the Christmas tree lot had told him to slice a piece off of the trunk to enable it to start taking up water. _

"_Be sure to make an even cut," had been his parting piece of wisdom as Spinelli walked off whistling with his purchase. That wouldn't be any problem he knew as he gave an assured, off-handed back wave._

"_Well, famous last words and all that…" he moaned to himself as he made the sixth cut of the evening. There were evergreen boughs strewn over the living room and his hands were sticky with resin, there was some on the carpet as well. "The Jackal hopes his Master has inculcated the mood of the season and will look upon this small blemish as part of the larger attempt to lighten the atmosphere of our shared abode." _

_He was nervous about Jason's reaction because he knew how he liked things to be pristine and immaculate. The Jackal often had difficulty with either of those concepts except with regard to his beloved laptop. Also, he reflected, perhaps it hadn't been the wisest choice to utilize the large chef's knife as a makeshift saw. He knew Emily had given this set of knifes to Jason and that he prized them accordingly. Still, the tree was up in the stand and if the Jackal could only manage to get the lights and some ornaments on…_

"_Well, not even Stone Cold could be that much of a Scrooge could he?" Spinelli mused wondering if he was essaying hope or denial, he truly couldn't say which._

_The problem was that these days Spinelli wasn't sure about Jason's reaction to anything. Ever since Jake's kidnapping and subsequent rescue; Jason had fluctuated between being unnaturally morose and silent (even by the standard Stone Cold terms) or blazing with a bright fury that he mostly directed at any Russian unlucky enough to encounter him. _

_Spinelli had felt the sidelong brush of his moods as Jason only seemed to be able to tolerate conversing with him about business matters. Any attempt on Spinelli's part to attempt to speak with his mentor about his obvious feelings of guilt and anguish were deflected by a stony glare and a request that was actually an ill-disguised order to get back to work. Even worse was when Jason would respond by looking speculatively at Spinelli as he spoke and then quietly suggest that perhaps it was time that he move out of the penthouse because Jason could no longer guarantee his safety. _

"_Anybody's safety," he reiterated bleakly as he arose grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. _

_The idea that he should move from the penthouse filled Spinelli with terror on several counts. First and foremost was his concern for Jason. He truly didn't think he should be alone right now, he wasn't sure what he might be capable of doing as long as this black cloud of grief and depression hung over his head. Every time Jason walked out of the penthouse Spinelli couldn't relax until he returned. He knew that Jason wasn't going to the office since it had yet to be rebuilt after the fire. So, that meant he was out wandering the streets probably looking for trouble, mob-related or not._

_Then there was the ever present specter of rejection and loss of what had become his only and closest definition of a home. He knew Maxie had moved out, she had fledged. That was all right for Maximista and perhaps if she had included him in the move he might have considered it. Still, he knew that they didn't have Johnny and Lulu's type of relationship. _

"_Say the word!" he scolded himself angrily. "Love," he admitted miserably. He felt it, she didn't, it was simple-simply agonizing. _

_So, for Spinelli there was no leaving the nest. He had spent his life looking for one and the closest approximation he had found was living in the penthouse with Jason. In the beginning he had felt like a poorly tolerated house guest with Sam actually being his champion more than an impatient and indifferent Jason. That had been years ago and when Sam had left in disgrace Spinelli had stayed on and Jason hadn't minded. _

_For a long time now he had regarded the penthouse as his rightful home. He had never tried to abuse the privilege of his residency but Jason tolerated his room being a mess and had never threatened him with banishment even when Lulu and later Maxie had been temporarily installed._

_These days though Spinelli felt as though he were clinging to his right of domicile by a thin and unraveling rope. He felt if he irritated Jason by saying or doing the wrong thing that he would find all his worldly goods packed up and on the opposite side of the front door. Spinelli literally didn't know what he would do if that were to ever be the case. _

_Unlike with most people, it wasn't an issue of earning his way in the world. No one with his prodigious cyber skills would go unemployed for long. No, it was the loss of Jason that petrified him. He couldn't visualize a world where he would no longer be the grasshopper to his master, his mentor's wingman, and-always and forever-the Jackal to Jason's Stone Cold. _

_Without that defining relationship in his life he would be cast adrift, back to the existence of the hopeless computer geek lacking in all and sundry social skills. Someone unable to get through a day without having allegorical sand kicked into his ninety pound weakling face. _

_He loved and admired Jason above all people. He thought of him as a much revered older brother or perhaps in his heart of hearts, the father he had never known. He had always envied little Jake his biological bond with Jason. Jason didn't live with Jake and couldn't even spend time with him. Despite those restrictions, Jason still loved him and cherished him automatically, purely because he was his son. Theirs was the most poignant, beautiful and enviable connection Spinelli knew. _

_He understood that Jason could never have any feelings for the Jackal that even approximated what he felt for Jake. Spinelli didn't care though. It would always be his deepest regret that he wasn't destined to be loved by those he loved. He had to be content to be in their orbit, to share their lives and to support and help them where and when he could. It was more than he used to suppose he would ever know in his life. Maybe it wasn't everything, but it was enough. _

_So, to ensure his place in Jason's life and home he was determined to tread carefully until the current upheaval smoothed out. He knew that eventually Jason's raw emotional state would settle down into some form of tortured acceptance. Spinelli could help his mentor achieve peace with his loss of dreams that he had always known couldn't come to fruition as long as he was in the mob. Knowing and accepting were two different things though and it was up to Spinelli to help Stone Cold make the transition between those two states of being. _

_Tonight that meant turning the penthouse into a festive reminder of this special time of year. A time when hope and peace were bywords and a gently falling snow was greeted with joy and reverence rather than as an inconvenience. _

_He had purchased some LED lights which he strung over the shaky tree. Next he had brought down a cardboard box that had traveled with him from Tennessee. In it were all the ornaments that had belonged to his mother. It had been the one sentimental item that his grandmother had pressed upon him when he left home for the last time. She was a plain Baptist and didn't go in for a lot of "shiny gee-gaws'. Besides with Spinelli out of her hair she intended to go cruising in warm climates each year between Christmas and New Years. _

_He opened the box and a reminiscent smile came to his lips as he looked at the contents which sparkled in the reflected light from the tree. They were just as he remembered them-lovely each one. He randomly pulled out a conical shaped glass ornament made of stained glass that glowed ruby red and cobalt blue in the firelight. Each one was more beautiful than the last. _

_Regret fierce and bitter flashed through his mind. Every time he looked at these beautiful artifacts that were all that remained of his mother (there wasn't even a photograph to memorialize her) he felt so bereft. He knew nothing of her except that she loved beautiful things, had excellent taste and untamable thick brown hair. Spinelli only knew this last detail because whenever his grandmother had tried to conquer his cowlick when he was a child she would always mutter to herself, "Hair just like his mother's" in a tone that seemed to be a mix of anger and sadness. _

_It was the only time that Spinelli ever heard his grandmother speak of her lost daughter. No matter how much he begged and pleaded she wouldn't tell him anything about her. "Best not to stir all that up," she would say and that would be the end of it. The only softening of her adamant refusal was when he was ten and she had produced the box of ornaments from the attic. Spinelli had been instantly spellbound. He had not needed any admonitions about being careful as he handled each exquisite piece with breathless reverence._

_Tonight, as carols played from his i-pod set into its companion speakers, he wanted only to build a bridge between his past and present. To share these delicate mementos of the woman who had given him life with the man who had given him purpose and self-respect. He wanted it to be a special Christmas, for Jason to look forward to the New Year as an opportunity for a fresh start and perhaps one for himself as well. _

"_Ah," he stood back and admired his handiwork, crooked, wobbly and all-the tree was beautiful. The lights glowed while the ornaments acted as prisms catching and reflecting the firelight in hypnotic and soothing patterns. He had missed them, he had missed this…_

_His reverie was interrupted by the sound of keys in the front door-Stone Cold had returned and Spinelli could relax his vigilance. Jason reached for the switch by the door turning on the ceiling lights. He turned ready to greet his friend as he entered but his salutations died unuttered. One look told him that Jason had found trouble tonight. _

_Spinelli inhaled sharply. "Stone Cold! What happened?"_

"_Nothing," Jason grunted, opening the closet door and hanging up his leather jacket._

_Spinelli walked slowly over to him, "The Jackal would hardly call multiple gashes on his Master's face nothing."_

"_I got into a disagreement at Jake's that's all." Jason brushed by Spinelli, his stiff movements indicating that more than his face had been injured._

"_If this is indeed nothing, might the Jackal inquire as to the appearance of Stone Cold's opponent?"_

"_It was just a fight Spinelli, nobody won. This," he gestured at his facial lacerations, "came from a ring the guy was wearing." With that he headed for the kitchen returning a moment later with a beer. He stopped looking around the living room having just comprehended the results of Spinelli's labors. "What is all this? What have you been doing?"_

"_The Jackal was just trying to furnish our abode with some festive seasonal cheer…" he paused trying to gauge Jason's expression. "What does the Master think of his grasshopper's efforts?"_

"_Tree's crooked," Jason said succinctly, plopping down on the couch only to bounce up a minute later with an evergreen branch in his hand. "What the hell?"_

_Getting more apprehensive by the moment, Spinelli scurried over to retrieve the offending greenery. "Um, the Jackal had problems getting the bottom of the tree to even out and he kept having to make further incisions. The tree is much reduced from what it was originally," He finished forlornly._

_He sat next to Jason to get a better look at the cuts on his face. "If Stone Cold would permit him to do so, the Jackal could clean and bandage the wounds on his visage," he tentatively made the offer._

_Jason shook his head, "I'm fine Spinelli."_

"_They could become infected…" he persisted as he reached over to touch one of the cuts._

_Jason batted his hand away angrily. "Give it a rest! I said I'm fine!"_

_Shocked at his animosity, Spinelli slid away from Jason. He ducked his head miserably, unsure as what he should do to help his mentor. Should he go or should he stay and try to get Jason to open up?_

"_Spinelli," Jason's voice was softer. He sounded apologetic for his outburst. Then his tone changed again, "That's one of Emily's knives…What's that covering it?" His voice was sharp and accusing._

_Spinelli looked up at the knife Jason was holding by the handle as he examined the gummy resin coating the blade. He jumped to his feet in agitation, "The Jackal needed an implement to cut the base of the Christmas tree so it could imbibe fluids." He knew his voice was shrill and defensive as tried to explain what he had done to Jason's prized knife._

"_What's wrong with you, Spinelli? Don't you know anything? You don't use a chef's knife to cut into trees, you use a saw." Jason was glaring at him in a way that was familiar to Spinelli. He had seen him use that expression on many an adversary but never against the Jackal himself. _

_His heart sank as he thought, "The Jackal is incapable of accomplishing even the easiest of tasks without making a dog's meal of it!" Once more he attempted to extricate himself from this conversational nightmare, "The Jackal didn't know the whereabouts of a saw. He sees that he shouldn't have used kind Emily's gift to Stone Cold as a substitute for the appropriate instrument." He reached his hand out to Jason, desperate to attain a détente between the two of them. "If Stone Cold will relinquish the knife, the Jackal will immediately cleanse the blade and replace it in its sheath."_

_Jason looked up at him, his eyes were cold and Spinelli actually felt a shiver run down his spine. "The resin has wrecked the blade. It isn't just a case of being "washed off". It needs to be sharpened and if the knife has lost its balance then it's ruined." Without any warning, Jason flipped the knife in his hand and sent it whizzing past Spinelli's head. _

_Spinelli just stood there dazed, unable to believe what had transpired. Jason had thrown a lethal weapon at him, missing him by inches. His whole body was trembling as he turned his head and looked over his right shoulder. The knife was lodged in the wall, still thrumming as an indicator of the force with which it had been thrown. Spinelli turned to look back at Jason who was peering intently down at the carpet. _

_His voice was low and dangerous as he stared up accusingly at Spinelli, "There's resin on the carpet…"_

_Spinelli swallowed and nodded dumbly. He knew there were no words in his defense and with the mood Jason was in, it didn't appear an appropriate time for heartfelt apologies or promises of better future behavior. It seemed his vision of his baggage piled outside the penthouse door was becoming more likely with every passing moment._

_Jason stood up from the couch and walked over to the decorated tree. "Branches everywhere, a ruined knife and carpet and for what? This?" _

_The contempt in his voice caused Spinelli to wince. He looked over at the tree which for one shining moment had seemed magical, a harbinger of hope. Now it just reminded him of the tree in the Peanuts Christmas special. It looked the way it had when Charlie Brown had decorated it before the gang had come along to spruce it up. "Charlie Brown and Damian Spinelli, now there was an apt comparison," he thought to himself grimly._

_Jason tilted his head, contemplating the tree, "Ah, I see it now," his voice was sarcastic, "It's art, you need to look at it a certain way to really appreciate it. Well, sometimes a project needs to be trashed and started over to get it right." _

_Spinelli's mind wasn't at its sharpest and he was still trying to translate Jason's cryptic comment when he realized what he intended. His comprehension was too late and all he had time for was to turn and yell, "No!" His shout of agony was timed perfectly with Jason lashing out with his foot, kicking savagely at the unsteady base of the tree. _

_The unhappy Christmas tree needed no engraved invitation telling it that it wasn't wanted. It swayed for a microsecond, giving Spinelli a soupcon of hope even though Jason was already swinging his leg back to deliver a second kick if required. It wasn't, the tree obligingly toppled over, it hit the floor with a resounding crash, part of it landed in the fireplace and began to smolder. _

_They both leapt into action. Jason dashed towards the crown of the tree to pull it out of the fire, then he turned to run into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Spinelli got down on his hands and knees frantically searching among the shattered ornaments, trying to find one, just one, that was whole and unbroken._

_Jason returned with a pitcher of water which he unceremoniously poured on the smoking tree. There was a hiss as a cloud of steam was released and the smell of green wood burning filled the room. Jason had sobered up and regained his temper in the few minutes that had elapsed since the tree had collapsed. He felt ashamed of his actions and he looked over with concern at his roommate._

_Spinelli was still down on his knees holding some of the larger fragments of glass and crystal that he could find. Tears were streaming down his face as he tried to come to terms with losing his only connection to his mother. _

"_Spinelli," it was Jason speaking softly, "You need to get up out of the glass. Come on let me help you…" He reached down to grasp his friend's elbow and pull him up out of the glittering detritus. _

_Spinelli furiously shrugged off Jason's grasp. "Leave me alone!" He looked up at Jason, rage and heartbreak both plainly visible in his expression. He held up the pieces of colored glass. "This, this is all I ever had of my mother. Not even a picture… Just this and my hair…" Jason could barely hear the last words because Spinelli's voice was choked with sobs that he was trying desperately not to release. He wasn't going to give Jason the satisfaction of seeing how thoroughly effective his payback for the ruined knife and carpet had been._

"_I'm sorry Spinelli. I had no idea." Jason was appalled, he didn't understand how it had all gotten to this, how he could have taken his frustration, his destructive tendencies out on the one person that still mattered to him. _

"_No, no idea," Spinelli agreed dully. "It's just the Jackal right. He's just the comic relief, or if you ever need someone to hack into anything, well then he's your go to guy. Anything else though, it's best to just not ask and he certainly won't tell. Just send him to his pink room and let him out when you need him for something. No fuss, no muss." If he had said any of this with bitterness or anger Jason would have felt better but he just recited it all in a monotone, no inflection to his voice at all._

"_Spinelli," he tried to protest, "That's not true at all. That's not how I see you."_

"_Really, Jason?" He was looking up at him inquiringly, his green eyes devoid of any emotion. "Which part has the Jackal been in error about? Do you take his needs, his thoughts, or his behaviors seriously? Do you ever think about him unless he's being an irritant or you need him to utilize his superior cyber skills? Oh, the Jackal knows, you were aware that these ornaments on this tree were the only physical remnants of his errant mother and you thought to destroy them intentionally so as to have a heart to heart with the Jackal about the inadvisability of substituting physical objects for intangibles such as maternal love?" _

_Jason had never heard Spinelli speak like this. He hadn't entirely understood everything he had said, particularly the last part about his mother but he knew he was in terrible pain. Jason had a window of opportunity, a brief moment to respond, if he said the right thing, did the right thing then their bond would be reestablished, even strengthened. _

_He couldn't do it, he just couldn't. Right now he was dealing with too much-Jake and Elizabeth gone for good that was all he could think about. He simply couldn't take on Spinelli's issues right now. Later when things were better, if they would ever be, then he would sit him down and they would talk about this stuff. Jason would tell him exactly how important he was to him, how much he counted on him, how maybe he didn't have his own family but that Jason thought of him as his family… He'd do all that later, tomorrow, next week-when he wasn't so exhausted. _

_Spinelli watched Jason's face as every thought he was having flitted across it. He clearly saw his decision, his resolution to shelve this conversation for a later more convenient time. For one tiny moment he had allowed himself to hope that Jason would step up and put him first, would choose him but he hadn't. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he wiped at his tear stained face and runny nose with the backs of his hands. He was still clutching the glass fragments in his hands and they had scored red lined wounds across the palms._

_Slowly he pushed himself up off the floor using his knees as he refused to relinquish his grip on the shattered ornaments. Jason again tried to help him but Spinelli shook him off coldly. When he was once more upright, he gazed around at the destruction evident in the living room. _

_He looked at Jason and spoke formally, "The Jackal regrets having transcended the boundaries that Stone Cold has in place. He never should have used gentle Emily's gift in such a cavalier fashion and for that he is truly repentant." He took a deep breath and continued, "He will clean up the disorder. With regard to anything that needs to be replaced he will be sure to reimburse Stone Cold for any costs incurred."_

_Jason tried to interrupt, but Spinelli held up his bleeding hand to forestall him. "Please, let the Jackal finish. All that he has outlined as a plan of action will have to be postponed til the morrow. For now he finds that he must leave this place and attempt to clear his head in the fresh air." _

_Suiting his actions to his words, he carefully put the broken pieces of glass down on the coffee table, touching them tenderly one last time. Then he went to the closet and pulled out his old Army coat, the one he hadn't been wearing this year._

_Jason tried once more, "Spinelli, please don't go. Stay, let me bandage your hands. Everything will look better in the morning."_

_Spinelli's hand was on the doorknob, his head was bowed. He said in a low voice, "The Jackal perceives that his Master has long been desiring his absence and, as always, his wish is his grasshopper's command." He was gone as he pulled the door shut behind him with a careful click._

_Jason looked around at the ruin that was his living room. "Fuck it!" he growled, he had had it with this night. _

_He was going to bed. He would talk to the kid in the morning. Sighing, he doused the fire and flicked off the lights. He felt old, his muscles stiff from the pummeling they had received. He climbed the stairs to his bedroom and shucking his boots he clambered into bed fully dressed. "Tomorrow," he thought drowsily, the adrenalin wearing off and the alcohol releasing its hold, "tomorrow I'll make it up to him."_


	2. Searching

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**_A/N: I have no rights or affiliation with the characters presented within this piece_**

_The Ripple Effect_

_Chapter 2: Searching_

_Sunlight was streaming in through the windows. Jason blearily opened his eyes, his head was throbbing, his face ached and his tongue felt thick and fuzzy. He frowned as he looked over at the clock on the nightstand-10 a.m., he couldn't remember the last time he had slept this late. _

"_Slept," he thought, groaning as he rolled over on his back, "more like a coma!" _

_He ran his hands through his hair as he tried to reconstruct what had happened the previous night. He had gone to Jake's, he remembered that and he recalled drinking more than was wise. Jason always watched his alcohol intake, he hated to lose control, but not last night…_

"_Oh, shit," he grunted as memories started surfacing. _

_He looked down at his knuckles, they were scraped and bruised. He had deliberately gotten into that biker's face about his-what?-oh, yeah his diamond earring. He had goaded him into a fight and he had definitely bitten off more than he could chew, the guy had been huge. He could still feel the impact of his fists on his face and the cuts that the ring he was wearing had opened up on his cheeks and jaw. Jason had wanted to keep going but the guy had turned away from him as he lay sprawled on the floor spouting invective at him._

"_You're drunk, go somewhere and sober up," had been his contemptuous dismissal._

_So, Jason had come back to the penthouse and then what? He rubbed his eyes wearily trying to recollect. "Oh, no!" he froze as he realized what had happened when he had arrived home. "Spinelli," he muttered to himself, remembering everything now._

_He had actually thrown a lethal weapon at his roommate's head while he was drunk! He could have killed him. More memories came flooding back-the pathetic little tipsy tree and Jason making fun of it and then kicking it-the fire and the broken ornaments. There was something about the ornaments and Spinelli's mother-what? He closed his eyes in shame as he remembered, he had said they were the only things left of his mother's and Jason had broken every one. _

_How the hell was he going to fix this? How could he ever make it up to the kid, to get him to trust him again? Spinelli had cuts on his hands from the glass and he wouldn't let Jason help him or even touch him. He had said things that showed how destroyed he was by it all and Jason hadn't manage to come up with one thing to say to make it right, to let him know how beyond sorry he was… No, he had left and Jason had let him, deciding that he had enough problems of his own, that mending their relationship could wait until Jason felt like dealing with it. _

_He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed and immediately regretted it. His head hurt worse than it had a moment ago and the room swam around him in an alarming fashion. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this hung-over. As much as he wanted to see Spinelli, to set things right between them, he knew he needed to get on a more even keel first._

_Groaning he fought the desire to lie back down again and instead forced himself to stand upright. He had to combat the urge to throw up and he grabbed the wall as a wave of dizziness over took him. Stumbling across the room he made it to the bathroom where he promptly vomited into the toilet. He turned the shower on, cold water only, and steeled himself to step into the icy needles. His head cleared up immediately under the chilly assault. After a few moments, he switched to a steaming hot temperature and began to twist and turn under the hot water in order to work the kinks out of his muscles. Looking down, he saw that he was black and blue from the fight and the cuts on his face stung under the flow of water._

_Stepping out of the shower, he carefully shaved the parts of his face that weren't injured. After he was dressed, he stepped into the hall and hesitated as he looked at the closed door to Spinelli's room. _

"_Should I try to talk to him now?" He wondered to himself. "No," he decided, putting off the awkward encounter a little longer. "I'll get something to eat and some coffee first and then we'll talk. Everything will be just fine." He was now speaking aloud, trying to convince himself that he wasn't just avoiding an unpleasant task. His voice failed to penetrate the heavy silence that pervaded the penthouse. _

_Jason reached the bottom of the stairs and stopped stunned. The living room was immaculate. It looked as it always did. There was no partially burnt tree, no scattered evergreen boughs, no crushed ornaments and most of all, there was no knife protruding from the wall. _

"_Spinelli must have gotten up early this morning and cleaned everything up," he thought shaking his head in amazement at the unexpected efficiency of the young man. "Really," he thought uneasily, "it's too perfect." _

_The room was pristine-the carpet unmarked by either scorch marks or resin. The topper was the wall where the knife had been impaled. Jason walked over to where he was sure he had thrown it and ran his hand over the surface. It was smooth, there wasn't a gouge or a difference in the plaster-nothing to indicate any damage._

"_Maybe I thought it all looked worse than it was," he pondered as he looked around the tranquil room that showed no signs of the previous night's demolition. "If that's true," Jason realized, "if it wasn't even that messed up then that makes my reaction even more unforgivable." He was suddenly consumed with guilt underlain with anger at himself for being so cruel to his sensitive roommate who had really done nothing except try to bring a little Christmas cheer into their barren home. _

_Jason started towards the kitchen still thinking, "Today's Christmas Eve, maybe I can make it up to Spinelli-get a tree, some presents, some food from the Metro Court." He really liked the idea, if he couldn't spend the holiday with Jake and Elizabeth then he ought to spend it with his other family-with Spinelli. He turned on the coffee maker and began cooking some eggs and bacon. _

_On an impulse, he turned to the drawer where Emily's knives were kept. When he pulled it open he saw all the knives were present and accounted for in their individual sheaths-even the chef's knife. Jason pulled it out and looked at the blade, it was perfect-there wasn't a nick on it, the blade looked as sharp as ever and, as far as he could tell by holding it, the knife was balanced. _

_He bit his lip in puzzlement, something was off but what exactly was unclear. He decided that as soon as he was done eating he was going to find Spinelli and get to the bottom of everything including how he had managed to clean up last night's mess without leaving any indication of the damage done behind. _

"_If only," he thought to himself sighing, "This miraculous clean-up could extend to the ornaments I destroyed." Jason would give anything if he could go back in time and restore those precious mementos and somehow remove that shattered look from Spinelli's face. He knew though that all they could do was move forward and he hoped that somehow Spinelli could forgive him…_

_His ruminations were interrupted by someone knocking on the door. Leaving his half eaten breakfast, he went to answer it after checking the peephole. "Carly," he said surprised, "What are you doing here?"_

"_What happened to your face?" Carly responded as she reached up to touch one of the cuts. "Did you get into a fight last night Jason?" Her tone was tender and sad and she looked at him with compassion._

"_I'm fine," he replied, tilting his head away from her touch. "It was just a stupid brawl at Jake's. It was my fault. I started it and got what I deserved."_

"_Jason," the single word was laced with compassion and tears filled her eyes as she looked at him. "Fighting isn't going to make it better but I get it, I really do. I wanted to hit things and scream at people for a long time after Michael…" _

_Jason realized that it hadn't even been a year since Michael had been shot and had lapsed into a coma. This was Carly's and Morgan's first Christmas without him. Again he felt like a jerk, someone else important to him was in pain and he was so full of self pity he hadn't even noticed._

"_It must be hard," he began awkwardly, not sure what words could possibly console her in this situation. "I miss him too-Michael. He loved Christmas."_

"_Yeah, he did," she acknowledged with a twisted half smile. "Morgan and I decorated the tree and we put all his favorite ornaments on, just as he would have if he were here. I'm going up to visit him the day after tomorrow. It's not like he knows it's Christmas. So, I thought I would spend the day with Morgan and Jax says he'll come because Morgan loves him so much and Sonny can't be there…"_

_Suddenly, Carly stopped rattling on and stared at Jason with her hand across her mouth, her eyes looked at him and he could see pity in them. "I'm sorry Jason, really I am. I'm supposed to be here for you today and all I can do is talk about my problems. Sometimes I'm such a bitch!"_

_He had no idea what she was talking about but that was a common occurrence with Carly. "Don't apologize, Carly, I know this is going to be a hard Christmas for you and Morgan. If talking about it helps then it isn't a problem."_

_Carly narrowed her eyes at his statement and looked confused. She started to say something and then stopped as though she had changed her mind. She gestured at his clothes, "Shouldn't you go get dressed the service is in forty-five minutes."_

_Jason was baffled, what was she talking about-what service? His bemusement must have shown in his expression because Carly started talking again. "I know they said you shouldn't come but who the hell do they think they are-Lucky and the Spencers aren't their family-you are. You show up Jason and you hold your head high. I'll be right there beside you to support you the whole time. They'll have to get through me if they want to say anything to you." _

_Her eyes were flashing with a familiar battle light that Jason had seen countless times right before Carly got herself into some situation that ended with her being embarrassed or worse yet needing to be rescued. Jason wasn't up to one of Carly's dramas today, he needed to find Spinelli and set things right. He didn't have any idea what she was talking about but he wasn't interested in finding out either._

"_Carly," he said a well-known feeling of impatience entwined with exasperation rising in him. "I don't have time for this today. You go ahead and go to whatever service you're talking about and you'll have to deal with the Spencers on your own. I need to go find Spinelli, something happened last night and…"_

"_Jason," she spoke more sharply than she intended but he was beginning to worry her. "Don't you remember? Did you hit your head last night?" Concerned, she again reached for his head, "Do you have a bump, a concussion, should we get you checked out?"_

"_Carly," he brushed her hand away, he was started to get irritated. "I'm fine. I just need to find Spinelli."_

"_Spinelli?" she asked, "Who's Spinelli?"_

_Jason looked at her astonished, was she kidding? She thought he was acting strangely; she should look in the mirror. "Carly," his temper was hanging by a thin thread, "Stop kidding around. I'm serious, you do what you need to but I'm not going with you."_

"_You have to Jason," she was insistent, "I know it's the last thing you want to do but you have to. If you don't go, if you don't say goodbye then you'll never have any closure and you won't be able to move forward."_

"_I don't need closure, Carly. I'm fine and I'm trying to move forward that's why I have to talk to Spinelli, tell him some things…well, it's personal."_

"_Spinelli again! Who the hell is he?" She was so frustrated and beginning to be scared. Jason had never acted anything like this in all the years she had known him._

"_Stop it, Carly! It's not funny. He has enough esteem issues as it is. If he were here right now and heard you pretending to not know who he was, it would crush him." Jason was beginning to be furious with her. He wanted her to leave in case Spinelli came back and heard her talking like this for whatever warped, unintelligible Carly reason._

"_Jason," Carly was determined to get through to him and she wasn't going to be sidetracked by a stupid argument about some person that Jason seemed to think she knew when she was sure she didn't. "You need to go get dressed and come with me to Jake and Elizabeth's memorial service. Anything else can wait."_

_Jason felt his legs turn to rubber as he looked at Carly's lips and tried to comprehend what he had heard her say through the roaring in his ears. "What…what did you just say?" He felt dizzy again and she reached for him trying to stabilize him. He pulled away from her grasp. "Say that again," he commanded her._

"_We have to go to Elizabeth and Jake's memorial service," she said in a tiny, miserable voice that was nothing like her usual confident tone._

"_Who the hell do you think you are?" He hissed the words at her, unable to understand why this woman who he had thought of as his friend for so many years would decide to torture him like this and on Christmas Eve of all days. _

"_Jason," she was reaching towards him, her voice pleading. "I'm so sorry. I wish it weren't true. Really, I do. I know what it's like to lose a child…" Tears were streaming disregarded down her cheeks as she tried to hold him, to comfort him._

"_Let go of me," he was rigid, unyielding. He stepped away from her attempts to embrace him. If she kept trying he knew he might strike her. "Jake and Elizabeth are fine. It's Christmas Eve and tonight they'll go to the children's party at the hospital and tomorrow they'll open gifts and spend the day with family and friends." He wouldn't be a part of any of that but that was all right because they were safe and happy and that's all that mattered._

"_No, Jason," she was shaking her head. "That's not true. I wish it was but it's not." Her heart was breaking for him but she had to make him accept reality. _

_Carly didn't understand what had happened to him, why he was suddenly refusing to believe what he had known before. She had heard how he was when he had received the news. He had gone to the morgue where Lucky had tried to block him, to prevent him from seeing his own son. Jason had grabbed Lucky and twisted his arm up behind his back growling in his ear, "I'll snap it like a twig!" Then he had shoved him away and gone into the cold, sterile room where the morgue attendant had taken one look at his empty eyes and left him alone with his dead family. So, Carly knew that he knew and that this must be some sort of denial, some type of post traumatic stress thing._

_She attempted to prod his memory, to get him to admit what he had seen. "Jake was taken by the Russians," she began._

"_Yes," he said forcefully, "Sam and I rescued him. We brought him back to Elizabeth."_

_It was worse than she had thought. He had constructed an alternate reality, a fantasy. "You were in jail, you couldn't go after him."_

"_I was in jail but Spinelli managed to get me released by involving Interpol. That's when Sam and I teamed up to rescue Jake." He was adamant, unshakeable in his version of events._

"_No, Jason," her voice was cracking, this was so difficult, "You didn't get out until after it was all over. Diane Miller managed to get you out on bail but by then…"_

_He looked at her, she wasn't playing a joke. She really believed everything she was saying. That meant one of them was delusional and it wasn't him, he remembered everything clearly. "There was an explosion, it was my fault but Sam managed to get Jake out and he was fine."_

"_There was an explosion," at last something they could agree on. "The Russians had taken Jake to a roadhouse on the outskirts of town. Everyone was looking for him-Sonny, Sam, Lucky. The Russians had explosives stored in the building and they detonated them accidentally. They blew themselves up," she gulped, "…and Jake." _

"_No!" he said it ferociously, "That wasn't what happened!"_

"_Yes, Jason. Yes, it is." Carly's voice was full of compassion. "They couldn't save him and then Elizabeth…" God, she never thought when she woke up on this horrible day that it could get any worse but it had. She had to finish, make him remember. "When Elizabeth heard, she left Cameron with Lucky and Sam. Then she went home and she took an overdose of sleeping pills. They didn't find her until the next day and it was too late."_

_She couldn't help herself, she had never liked Elizabeth Weber. "She didn't think about Cameron at all, she was selfish, she left him without a mother."_

"_Don't you talk about her like that! Don't you dare! You have no right… You always treated her like dirt and you can't stop now that she's dead." He stopped, horrified. He had said the word-dead. Somehow Carly's story had penetrated his defenses had convinced him to accept what she was saying. He glared at her suddenly sick of the sight of her and her condemnation of Elizabeth. He grabbed her arm and started dragging her towards the door. "I want you to leave right now."_

"_Jason," she couldn't believe this was happening, Jason was kicking her out, he was enraged at her. "I'm sorry about what I said about Elizabeth. That wasn't right."_

_He had opened the door and she was incapable of resisting his brutal strength as he thrust her through the opening. "Don't ever say her name again. Stay away from me!" He slammed the door in her incredulous face._

"_Jason!" She was frantically pounding on the door, "Let me in. You don't mean it, you're upset. Let me help you get through this."_

_He opened the door and she stepped back inexplicably frightened by his expressionless face. "We're through, Carly, done. Don't ever come back here again." He wasn't yelling this time, he was ice cold and she understood that he meant every word he was saying. _

_She had lost her rock, her best friend and all because she had told him the truth, had tried to help him. She straightened her shoulders and brushed at her wet eyes. "Fine, Jason, I won't. You're all alone now. Think about why that is." _

_She turned and without a backward glance walked towards the elevators. She flinched as she heard the door slam behind her but she managed to keep her composure until she was safely within the elevator car. Then Carly hit the emergency stop button and crumpled to the floor weeping. "I've lost him, I've lost Sonny, I've lost Michael, I've lost Jax." _

_The emptiness swept over her and she rocked in desolation. Finally, she remembered the one person she hadn't lost-Morgan. She grabbed the railing and pulling herself up, restarting the elevator. It was Christmas Eve and she was going home to spend it with her son and that was going to be enough for her, it had to be._

_Jason didn't know how long he had stood by the door after kicking Carly out, it might have been minutes or hours-he couldn't tell. "Elizabeth and Jake…" his chest constricted with such pain he thought he might be having a heart attack. "Carly had to be making it up or wrong or something. Sam put Jake in Elizabeth's arms, I _saw_ her do it! She seemed so positive. She was going to take him to their memorial service-their memorial service for God's sake! No one, not Carly not anyone, could make something like that up, could be that cruel…"_

_Suddenly Jason knew what he had to do, he had to find Spinelli. Everything would be all right if he could just talk to him. He would calm Jason down and assure him that "Yes, Stone Cold had been in time and he and fair Samantha had rescued Jake and returned him to the Maternal One." He needed desperately to hear those reassuring words from the one person that he trusted most in the world._

_He was running up the stairs yelling, "Spinelli!" He came to the closed bedroom door and took a deep breath, he tapped once and opened it, "Look Spinelli, I'm sorry to invade your privacy but something's come up and I really need your…" "Help" was what he was going to say but he never finished the sentence. _

_Jason looked around Spinelli's bedroom unable to believe what he was seeing. It was eerily reminiscent of the scene downstairs in the living room but this was even more surrealistic. Jason actually stepped back, closed his eyes and shook his head, "Can't be," he muttered despairingly. He opened his eyes but nothing had changed._

_The room was the same, exactly the same, as it had been two years previously before Spinelli had moved in and when it was just pink bedroom that was seldom used. It was entirely devoid of any hint of occupancy. None of Spinelli's possessions were in evidence. The bed was made and there was a closet, a bureau and a nightstand all of which were uncluttered except for a lamp on the nightstand. Jason stepped forward and opened the closet-nothing-the same for the drawers in the bureau and the table by the bed. _

_There was no computer desk piled high with equipment he didn't know the first thing about. There was no TV sitting on a stand with DVDs scattered around. There were no empty potato chip bags or bottles of orange soda. The floor wasn't carpeted with clothes and shoes and all the other debris that had been a hallmark of the young man's residence in this room. _

_Spinelli had always been careful to clean up after himself in other parts of the penthouse but in his room he had let his inner slob out and Jason hadn't objected because he considered it Spinelli's room and it was his right to keep it how he wished. It meant that Jason didn't come into Spinelli's room very often because when he did he itched to grab a trash bag and start cleaning it up. Spinelli ever sensitive to his mentor's facial expressions would correctly interpret his reaction and would shamefacedly start clearing up himself. Jason didn't like to make him feel like he couldn't do what he wanted in his own space and so he found it simpler to stay away._

_He never thought the day would come when he would long for the clutter and mess that was so fundamental to Spinelli's living area. He wanted to be tripping over day old pizza and risk spilling partially filled bottles of orange soda onto the carpet. Anything, absolutely anything, would be better than this barren sterility. _

_Taking a deep breath he steeled himself and headed for the bathroom. It was as he had expected more of the same. The room was orderly and neat, there were no towels strewn on the floor. There was no multitude of bottles of various hair products, no matter how many Spinelli purchased and tried, he was unable to tame the wilderness that was his hair. _

_Jason didn't know what to do. Spinelli had somehow completely eradicated any sign of his presence from the penthouse. He had been a living, breathing presence in Jason's world for over two years. Yet there wasn't one indication, a single item that showed he had ever lived here. _

"_He must have been up all night," Jason thought in wonder and remorse at the lengths he had driven Spinelli to. He had obviously made him feel so unwanted, so unwelcome that he had attempted to erase his very existence from Jason's life. He still couldn't quite comprehend how he had managed to so effectively remove everything he owned without making any noise, without alerting Jason no matter how heavily he was sleeping in his drunken stupor._

_Now more than ever he needed to find Spinelli. He suddenly found that the thought of living in the penthouse without him was intolerable. The kid had crept into his heart. Jason had known it, what he hadn't realized was how big the space he had made for himself was. _

_He would find him and Spinelli would support his version of what had happened to Jake. He would reassure Jason that there was no memorial service because no one was dead and that it was just some sort of giant misunderstanding. Then Jason would ask him, hell, he would beg if he had to, to come back to let him make things up to him. He would tell Spinelli the truth that he didn't want to be alone anymore. Jason was sure that he would relent, no one was more incapable of holding a grudge or staying angry with those he cared about than Damian Spinelli._

_Jason couldn't wait to get out of the impersonal space that was now the pink room. He shut the door and went downstairs. He gathered up his leather jacket and started out the door. He would look for Spinelli in a little while but first he had another stop to make. He needed to disprove Carly's ridiculous story once and for all…_

_He knew he would find her at the hospital, where else would she be on Christmas Eve? She would be there with Jake and Cameron, maybe in pediatrics or helping set up tonight's Christmas party. _

_It all went to illustrate the primary differences between Jason and Elizabeth's worlds, the reason that they could never be together. She was a nurse, a healer, a nurturer, a mother. He was an enforcer, a mob boss, sometimes a killer and only an accidental father. Still, he was so grateful that he had known her, loved her and had Jake with her. _

_When he got to the tenth floor, her usual assigned station, he noticed subtle differences about the hospital. It was dingier than he remembered and there wasn't much staff around. Usually, there were always a few people at the central nurses' station-reviewing charts, consulting on cases and just plain gossiping. _

_It wasn't like that today, it was deserted, there was no one at the station and a phone was ringing insistently but it went unanswered. Jason raised an eyebrow at that sign of negligence. "Surely it wasn't a good thing to leave any call unanswered in a hospital, there was always the possibility that it could be an emergency," he thought idly to himself as he looked around. Still, it wasn't his business. He was just here to see Elizabeth to convince himself she was fine. Then he would go find Spinelli and start getting his life back to normal or as normal as his life ever was. _

_She was probably busy setting up for the party he realized. They had certainly left the decorating rather late this year, he couldn't see so much as a poinsettia or a piece of tinsel._

"_Something I can do for you, Mr. Morgan?" It was Epiphany Johnson and despite her bulk she had managed to come up behind him unperceived._

_Startled, Jason had to admit it wasn't a pleasant sensation to have someone sneak up on you unexpectedly. Maybe he could see why people seemed to complain about him doing it all the time. Ruefully, he admitted, "I didn't hear you coming, Epiphany."_

_A twitch of her upper lip was the only indication of her satisfaction at beating Jason at his own game. "What do you need?" She looked tired, there were circles under her eyes and she actually looked like she had lost some weight..._

"_I'm looking for Elizabeth, is she off decorating for the party tonight?"_

_A shadow passed over her face as her attention sharpened. "Elizabeth?" She said it warily, softly so as not to antagonize him._

"_Yeah, brunette, blue eyes, good figure, about so high." What was it with everyone today? He was starting to get pissed off._

"_I know what Nurse Weber looks like Mr. Morgan." She was trying for her best nurse supervisor manner but something was lacking as she looked at him with concern in her expression. "Jason," her tone was gentle, "Shouldn't you be at the service? I wanted to go but with all the budget cuts there was no one else to cover the floor."_

"_Not you too!" Frustration welled up inside him as he tried to stay calm. "Look, Epiphany, I just want to see Elizabeth. It'll just take a minute and then I'll be out of everyone's way. I'm not going until I see her." He was obdurate. _

"_She's not here-she's…" It was all still too raw, too tragic and unnecessary and she couldn't say it. _

_Epiphany knew that in a way this man standing in front of her was directly responsible for the events unfolding today but one look at his tortured face and she didn't have the heart to berate him. Actually, she was worried more than anything, he seemed to be in complete denial and Jason Morgan at the best of times was unpredictable. She didn't know what she would do if he started to go off the deep end, she was short staffed with everyone away at the service and security these days was a joke._

_Jason was getting impatient and had decided on a different tack, "Are Nurse Crowell or Robin Scorpio on duty?" _

_Either one would do. Nadine and Elizabeth were colleagues and she was friends with Spinelli as well. He could ask her if she had seen or talked to him since last night. Robin and Elizabeth were best friends and she would be straight with Jason, she wouldn't play games with him like Carly or block him out of some sense of disapproval as Epiphany seemed to be doing. _

_He realized Epiphany hadn't answered his question and he looked at her in irritation, "Well, do I have to get on the P.A. myself and page them. I will if I need to." One look at his face convinced Epiphany that was exactly what he would do if he continued to be thwarted._

_Still, she hesitated, it was bad enough but just barely understandable that he could be in denial about Jake and Elizabeth, but Robin Scorpio-where had that come from? She decided to approach the issue obliquely and respond to the most harmless of his queries. "Nurse Crowell? Jolene Crowell hasn't worked here since MedCam took over the hospital a year and a half ago. Why would you want to see her, last I heard she was working at a nursing home out in California."_

_Jason looked at her incredulously, "Jolene Crowell was shot and is in a coma. It's Nadine, her sister I want to talk to." Something else Epiphany said…"Medcam? It's Medcam that Jolene was working for sabotaging the hospital and killing patients. Spinelli and I found her out and turned her in. Then when the gangs came in and shot up the ER she was injured while trying to protect Spinelli."_

"_Yes, Jason," Epiphany was striving for patience, to be understanding. She knew how terrible today must be for him. It was also pretty awful for Epiphany who had lost one of her best nurses and a friend to boot. "It was after the shoot out in the ER that MedCam did a hostile takeover and acquired the hospital, they claimed incompetence and negligence on the part of the hospital. Jolene wasn't even in the ER when the shooting took place. She was fine and shortly afterwards she left for California. I don't know about any sister-Nadine, you said?"_

_It was like everything in the world was slightly skewed. He would say something and the other person would know what he was talking about but with major differences, horrible differences that made him doubt their sanity or possibly his own._

"_No," he had to shake her assurance, her viewpoint of things. Jason knew someone that was important to Epiphany that would convince her of the truth of what he was saying. "I caught Jolene with a syringe outside Touissant's room. She would have killed him like the other patients she murdered."_

_A shadow passed over Epiphany's face when he said Touissant's name and she looked angrily at Jason. "That's enough!" her tone was sharp. She had tried to be sympathetic. Yet, this was too much, for Jason to bring up such a painful subject with utter disregard for her feelings was just unkind. "Mr. Touissant died of complications from his brain surgery. He wasn't murdered by Jolene Crowell or anyone else. Why would you say such a thing?"_

_They stared at each other across a gulf of mutual incomprehension and distrust. Jason didn't know what else to say to her, he just wanted to see Robin or Nadine or most of all-Elizabeth. _

"_Epiphany, could you get me Mr. Cole's chart. I want to see the results of his blood work." It was Dr. Patrick Drake coming up to the nurse's station._

"_Yes, Doctor, I have them right here." Epiphany passed him the patient's chart._

"_Patrick," Jason was relieved, finally someone who was rational, objective-a man. "Where's Robin, I need to talk to her."_

_Patrick looked tired just like Epiphany. He stared at Jason with surprise, sure he hadn't heard him correctly. "Why aren't you at the memorial service?" He realized that he should have kept his mouth shut, maybe Jason had been banned by the Spencers or perhaps he couldn't face the dreadful results of his lifestyle choice-either one would be understandable._

_Patrick was looking at him strangely, just as Epiphany had. Jason couldn't believe it, wasn't there one normal person left in Port Charles? _

"_Let me speak to Robin," if there was a single human being who was logical and whom Jason could count on to help straighten everything out-it was Robin._

_Patrick looked at Jason in astonishment, he glanced at Epiphany who shrugged her shoulders and raised her hands in a "don't ask me gesture." _

"_She's not here Jason," he was speaking slowly trying to understand what was going on. He wondered if everything that had happened over the last couple of days had finally pushed Jason over the edge, if he had become disassociated from reality. Patrick was pondering if it was best to indulge him or if he should try to tell him the truth and prod him back to reality._

"_Where is she then, home with Emma?" He needed to see her, besides Elizabeth and Spinelli, Robin was the person he most wanted to talk to right now, to help him deal with a world gone mad._

"_Emma, who's she?" Patrick was puzzled, Jason wasn't only delusional, he was actually creating nonexistent people. _

"_He keeps talking about people that I've never met, a Nadine Crowell, a Spinelli." Epiphany was relieved that Patrick was as confused and disturbed by Jason's behavior as she was. He had seemed so convinced of his version of events that it had started to make her doubt her own perception._

"_Spinelli," Jason turned back towards Epiphany, she was acting like she had no idea who he was just like Carly. "You know him Epiphany, he's been a patient here, he's friends with Nadine and Robin." He looked over at Patrick. "He was at your wedding to Robin, you gave him dating advice." He was trying to reach them, to jar their combined memories but all he received were blank, concerned stares._

"_Jason," Patrick had decided he had to say it, to tell him. His heart couldn't take him talking about Robin this way, it was too painful. "Robin's dead, she died almost two years ago when those gangs came into the ER. One of them took her hostage and she was shot in…the head." _

_Even now, when he closed his eyes, he could still see her in his mind, her courage, her compassion as she tended to patients under a hail of bullets. It had all ended for him that day, any hope that Patrick had ever had of giving up his roving ways and settling down. Robin Scorpio had been the only woman to ever get Patrick Drake to think about the idea of commitment. Since her death, he had never dated a woman more than three times and he had absolutely no intention of ever risking his heart or soul again._

"_No!" Jason couldn't take it any longer. First it had been Carly and Epiphany talking about Elizabeth being gone and Jake too. No one seemed to remember Spinelli at all and now Patrick was trying to tell him that Robin was dead, that she had died over a year ago. "I was there," he jabbed his finger fiercely into Patrick's chest causing him to lose his balance and step back. "You're right, he took her hostage but she trusted me and I shot him and she was shaken up but she was alive…alive!"_

_Patrick was furious as well. He was face to face with Jason now, he had no idea if was truly delusional or if he was just playing some macabre practical joke for some unfathomable reason-whichever it was it had to stop now. _

"_No, Jason, you weren't there, I was. I saw her get shot. I cradled her in my arms while she breathed her last." His voice broke as he whispered, "I lost everything that day. How dare you come in here and say these things to me."_

_Jason was bewildered. "I was on community service. Spinelli shot himself in the foot with my gun and I took the blame so he didn't get arrested for illegal possession of a firearm. They assigned me to work the nightshift as a custodian for the summer. Epiphany you remember, you must…" He turned to her in appeal._

_She wished she could tell him what he so obviously wanted to hear but she couldn't, it wasn't what had happened. She shook her head, "I don't know this Spinelli or whether or not he had a gun or shot his foot. You weren't working here that summer. I was on the night shift then, I would have remembered."_

"_Yes, I was!" Jason was insistent as if he just said it often and strongly enough they would somehow believe him and remember how it had been. "There was a pregnant woman-Stacey Sloan, she had HIV and Robin took a personal interest in her case, she wanted to have a baby too and Stacey was proof that it could be done even if she had HIV. Stacey died but Spinelli and I delivered her baby and now Robin has her own baby." _

_He turned back to Patrick, "_Your_ daughter-Emma." Surely Patrick wouldn't deny his own child._

_It hadn't worked or changed a thing. The only difference was that Patrick and Epiphany's aspects had changed from anger and frustration to shared expressions of pity._

"_You're right Jason," Patrick was talking quietly, the rush of agonizing memories flooding back after he had so successfully manage to subdue them for all this time. "Robin did bond with Stacey, she was inspired by her but that all came to an end when she was in labor and trapped in an elevator with no one but a student nurse to help her. Her placenta separated from the uterine wall and the child suffocated before we could get her out. Later Stacey bled out and died. Robin was inconsolable and shortly afterwards…well, she was killed." _

_He was drained, reliving that horrible time had exhausted him. It seemed to have been an exercise in futility, from the looks of Jason it hadn't gone any distance towards convincing him that Epiphany and he were telling the truth and that it was Jason's memory that was at fault._

"_Why are you doing this?" Jason looked back and forth at each of them, unable to comprehend what pleasure they could be getting out of this peculiar torment, this elaborate practical joke the whole town seemed to in on. He scrubbed at his face in agitation. "Stacey died but her daughter lived. Robin _is _alive and you," glaring at Patrick, "have a child together. Elizabeth and Jake are fine…"_

"_Why are you saying these things Jason?" Patrick was white with barely suppressed rage. "These are our lives, our colleagues and friends you keep insisting are alive and well when they're not! Don't you think I would know it if I was married to Robin and had a child with her…" He closed his eyes in despair thinking bleakly, "if only," what he would give if what Jason was saying were true-but it wasn't._

_Jason gave up. It was clear that they weren't going to produce Elizabeth or Robin and that they were going to continue with their revisionist view of history. His head was swimming with all the counterproductive conversations he had had today, with everyone's attempts to get him to believe that the most important people in his world were dead or nonexistent. He desperately needed a few minutes to himself, to think things through, to come up with a plan. _

"_Thanks for nothing!" He growled at Patrick and Epiphany as he turned on his heel and strode over to the elevator bank. _

_He punched the call button with a contained violence in an attempt to relieve some of his frustration, his fear, his sense of solitude. Still, when he was actually in the elevator he could almost hear Touissant murmuring in his ear, "Gently now, push it gently and it will respond, like a sweet talked woman…" Jason smiled, grateful for the reminder of his goal to prove that Touissant, Robin, Emma, Elizabeth, and most of all Jake, were all still living, still vital…_

"_How do I do that?" he asked himself, "Everyone seems convinced that I'm crazy, that their story is the real one. I didn't imagine this stuff. It's the way it happened." More to the point, "I'd _know_ if Jake or Elizabeth were dead, I'd feel it."_

_He leaned wearily against the wall of the elevator car. He didn't know what to do next, where he should go, who he should see to verify his conviction, his absolute belief in how things were. Suddenly, Jason frowned; there was one consistent thread that had run through all the discussions and arguments he had been having today. Everyone agreed that alive or dead there was an Elizabeth Weber, a Robin Scorpio, and a Jolene Crowell. The disagreement stemmed from whether or not these people were currently alive or what the outcome of certain events had been. No one was questioning their fundamental existence with one glaring exception-Damian Spinelli._

_Carly, Epiphany and Patrick had all been willing to discuss everyone but Spinelli. Whenever Spinelli's name came up they either ignored it or asked who he was or said they had never heard of him. It was the single unifying theme to all the distressing interactions he had experienced today. It was almost as if (No! that was just plain crazy) Spinelli didn't exist at all. _

_The elevator had arrived at the ground floor and there was a ping as the door opened. Preoccupied, trying to follow and comprehend his new train of thought, Jason left the hospital. It had started to snow but he didn't even notice it. It didn't make any sense, he seemed to be the only person that knew, that remembered Spinelli. _

_Startled, he realized something else. Every single event that had been talked about today had involved Spinelli in one form or another. It was Spinelli that had helped him get out of jail and find Jake so he could retrieve him. It was Spinelli that had been the reason for Jason working at the hospital. He and Jason had discovered what Jolene had been doing and had stopped her before she could kill again or MedCam could do a hostile takeover. Spinelli had been in the ER when the shootout had occurred. He had saved Jason from getting shot and then Jason had rescued Robin. That was also when Jolene had gotten shot by protecting Spinelli._

_That was it, the linking thread to every situation-everything was connected to Spinelli. Jason stopped, he just stood on the sidewalk close to the hospital, oblivious to the ever thickening snowfall or the irritated glances of passerbys as they were forced to divert around him. _

_It made no sense, of course Spinelli existed. He had been living in the penthouse with Jason for two years. It was Spinelli that lived in his mind, fantasized about things and people. Jason knew he had no imagination to speak of, it was one of the reasons that he was so good at his profession. He didn't dwell on the violence, the death that pervaded his existence. _

_So, no, there wasn't any way that Jason Morgan had created a figment of his imagination-a young insecure computer hacker with a tender heart-as a way of fantasizing his way out of intolerable and crushing grief. Spinelli was real, he existed and Jason just needed to find him and the world would be back on its axis spinning merrily along the way it was meant to. _

_He had reached a decision, had a plan of action but he still didn't know where to go and look to find his roommate. Spinelli's usual hang outs were all shut down at the moment. Neither Kelly's nor the coffee house was reopened for business. Of course! How could he be such an idiot? It was a sign of all the stress that he was under that he hadn't immediately thought of the obvious, the only place he should go to look for Spinelli in order to start setting things right-Maxie!_

_If Jason was Spinelli's magnetic north then Maxie was his true north. He couldn't believe that he had just thought that, such a poetic flight of fancy from stoic Stone Cold. His lips quirked in a small smile, "The kid was rubbing off on him," he thought. If he ever needed confirmation that Spinelli was no figment of his subconscious he knew that seeing Maxie Jones would provide the proof he sought. _

_Jason stepped into the foyer of the Crimson offices impatient to find Maxie. He hoped that Spinelli would be right there with her pouring out his woes about their disagreement of the night before. So much had happened since then that it all seemed slightly hazy to Jason like a dream. Yet, he knew it wasn't and that he was going to have to do some serious apologizing to Spinelli to set everything right between them. Jason was actually eager to have an emotional conversation for once, one where he would admit he had been at fault. He was convinced that when he and Spinelli had settled their differences everything else that was wrong would be resolved as well. Jason was planning to have a real Christmas this year to celebrate that much anticipated outcome. _

_His hopes plummeted when he saw the outer office was empty. Jason belatedly recollected that it was Christmas Eve and that even the driven Kate Howard might be humane enough to let her assistants go a little early. Just then the door to Kate's office opened and Lulu Spencer appeared. _

"_Lulu," she wasn't Maxie but she was the next best thing and he was sure she could tell him where she was and maybe even something about Spinelli._

"_Jason," she looked surprised to see him. It was a reasonable reaction, fashion magazines and Jason Morgan weren't a natural fit. "He could've totally been a model, "Lulu reflected to herself looking at him from a new vantage point. "Are you here to see Kate?" she asked him, though she knew that they could barely be cordial to one another. There was a lot of history involving the two of them and Sonny and conflicting loyalties. She didn't really want to know…_

"_What a way to crown this fabulous day by seeing Kate Howard," he thought sarcastically. "No, I wanted to talk to you or better yet, Maxie. Is she around?"_

"_Maxie?" She repeated, a puzzled expression on her face. "Do you mean Maxie Jones? Why would you think to find her here?"_

_Jason's formidable patience was beginning to fray, "Oh, I don't know maybe because she practically lives at this place." _

"_Huh," Lulu was so confused about Jason expecting to find Maxie here that she entirely missed his flare of temper. "No, she doesn't. Live here I mean," Lulu ever the literalist paused as she rethought what she was trying to say. "You think she works here." The light was dawning but it wasn't helping her bemusement. She still didn't understand why Jason Morgan had shown up at Crimson looking for Maxie Jones._

"_Yes, she does." Jason felt like he was falling back down the rabbit hole. "Same shit, different person," he sighed to himself in exasperation. This time though he was determined to get the information he wanted and he was going to do it without another one of those circular conversations that left him drained and doubting everything he knew. _

"_Look Lulu, if you know where I can find Maxie, I'll get out of your way and you can get back to what you were doing." _

_He knew better then to even bring up the subject of Spinelli. He couldn't stand one more stare of total incomprehension when he mentioned his roommate's name. He deserved better than that and Jason was going to make sure he got it. _

"_I was just shutting down for the holiday. Kate has already left and gone home to get ready for the Christmas Eve party. As first assistant I get to co-host and Johnny is escorting me…"_

"_Lulu," he knew that if he didn't stop her she would rattle on about her own life and never bother to answer his question. "Maxie Jones, where can I find her?" _

_At least her self-involvement seemed to preclude her from telling him about how everyone who was important to him was dead. What had Spinelli ever seen in this girl?_

_She shrugged, totally indifferent, "I don't know, home I guess. She doesn't go out much since what happened here at the Metro Court. Then when Robin and Georgie were killed she practically became a hermit. Mac is the only person that ever sees her but that's because they live together." The idiocy of her last statement was breathtaking. _

_Jason winced involuntarily as she so casually confirmed what Patrick had said about Robin being dead. He also didn't know what she was talking about with regard to an incident at the hotel. He wasn't about to submit to a Lulu exposition on some event that would undoubtedly be a skewed reflection of an occurrence that Jason would remember differently anyway. _

"_We're not friends you know," she said to Jason's retreating back as he walked towards the elevators._

"_I know," he said to her as the elevator doors closed cutting her off from his sight._

_Jason was nervous, despite the plummeting temperatures as the snow continued to fall and the afternoon started it's slow descent towards a long winter evening, the palms of his hands were slick with sweat. He tried to tell himself it was because he was standing in front of the one door in Port Charles that he had never thought to visit, where he knew he could never be welcome. He sincerely hoped that Police Commissioner Mac Scorpio was at the police station trying to make the city safe from those of Jason's ilk. _

_Still, even if he were home, Jason was determined to brave his scorn and his fury. He wasn't going to let anyone prevent him from seeing and talking to Maxie. Jason knew it was the fear of what Maxie might say to him that was the actual reason for his nerves, his fear, his pounding heart and his hesitation about ringing the doorbell. What if she was the same as everyone else, what if even Maxie Jones didn't remember Spinelli? What would he do then? He was running out of ideas, of options._

"_Just do it!" he berated himself for his cowardice as he forced his hand up to push the white button. _

_He could hear the bell ringing in the depths of the house. Jason really didn't think that Mac was home, the house was almost entirely dark and bare of any Christmas decorations. There was only the dim glow of a lamp in the front room to illuminate the blinds securely pulled down over the front windows. The car in the driveway was Maxie's and it was already covered in snow. Jason recalled that Lulu had said Maxie never went anywhere. A few minutes passed and there was no response, no footsteps coming to open the door. _

_Jason rang the doorbell again and then again, holding it down that time so that a shrill irritating sound could be heard pulsing through the silent house. Finally, he started banging on the doors with his fists. "Maxie!" he was shouting, he was at the end of his tether. "I know you're in there and I'm not leaving until you talk to me."_

"_All right! All right! Hold your horses! I'm coming…." The front door was flung open and he was looking at an enraged Maxie Jones. "What the hell do you think you're doing? The neighbors are likely to call Mac with the noise you're making and that's the last thing…" She trailed off as she recognized her visitor in the faint glow from a street lamp. "Jason," she was bewildered, "What are you doing here? What do you want?" Her tone was no friendlier just tinged by puzzlement._

"_I need to speak to you Maxie," he wasn't in the mood to wait to be invited in, if he even would be, he brushed by her and stepped into the darkened entry hall. _

"_Of all the nerve!" Maxie was genuinely angry but he could hear an undertone of curiosity and something else, perhaps unease, in her tone. _

_Taking the initiative Jason turned towards the room with the lamp in it and found himself in the living room. He turned waiting for Maxie to follow him in. Suddenly, he felt awkward; he had just shown up on her doorstep and bulled his way into her house. He would never have behaved this way if he had any idea of what else he could do but she was literally his last hope. If Maxie couldn't connect him to Spinelli, he didn't know what he would do._

"_What do you want Jason?" She was standing by the entrance of the living room, her arms crossed defensively across her chest._

"_Maxie," Now that he was here and had her attention, he didn't know where to begin. "Do you know where Spinelli is?" He had never been much good at subtlety or sidelong approaches._

"_Who?" She moved into the room and sat down on the end of the couch away from the lamp. "Do I know where Span-something is? I have no idea what you're talking about. This is why you practically broke the door down, to ask me where something that I know nothing about is?" _

_The familiar irritation and snappishness were clearly evident in Maxie's voice but they were accompanied by something else that sent chills down Jason's spine-apathy. Say what you would about Maxie Jones, she could be selfish, prickly, defensive, insecure, but she also embraced life with a ferocity that was admirable. He had seen her stand brave and uncowed, her head held high as her various sins and misdemeanors were exposed to the world at large. She never backed down, she wasn't even afraid when she ought to be. She had no sense of her fragility, her mortality or perhaps she didn't care what happened to her. Whichever it was, Jason had always secretly respected her debonair, take no prisoners attitude towards living. To see her now, hiding alone in a dark house and with her formidable spirit a faint memory broke his heart. _

"_Not a what, Maxie, who-Spinelli. He's your best friend. I'm looking for him I need his help and I have to apologize to him for…for some things I did. You're my last hope…" Jason could hear the pleading in his voice and he saw that Maxie did too. Her eyes had gotten bigger and a look of confusion flitted across her face as he spoke._

_She answered him with a sharp bark of humorless laughter. "My best friend, that's rich! He'd be my only friend if I had ever heard of him. Sorry, Jason I have no idea who you're talking about, I don't know any…Spinelli? What kind of name is that anyway?"_

"_His name is Damian Spinelli. He's my roommate and has been a loyal and true friend to both of us Maxie. What's wrong with you, how can you just deny him like that?" _

_Jason was drowning in emotional quicksand, he had found Maxie and nothing was different. He was beginning to get scared that if-"no, when," he tried to correct himself halfheartedly-he did find Spinelli that he wouldn't be able to fix anything after all. Jason didn't know what he would do if this nightmarish world he found himself in was truly real, he didn't think he would want to go on if it were…_

_Maxie had been silent since Jason had spoken. She seemed sunk in thought. After a few moments she raised her head and he could see her eyes sparkling with some unfathomable emotion in the faint light. _

"_What has happened to me Jason?" She was speaking with soft venom, the words were practically hissed. "You know _exactly _what happened, you were there after all. The big hero Jason Morgan, but you didn't do such a swell job when James Craig took over the Metro Court did you?" _

_She had stood up and stalked towards the wall of the living room where she hit a switch. The ceiling lights came on flooding the room with glaring light, at least when compared to the soft aspect of the single, low wattage lamp. _

_Maxie stood with her back to Jason, as she continued speaking. "No, your heroics were all a case of too little and too late that night-at least for me. I sat in that damned vault for hours, with Coop…" her voice broke, "We were waiting for someone, for anyone to come before that suitcase detonated. I didn't care if it was his boss or Mac or even you, Jason,-just someone. So, what happened, Jason, was that we watched the digital timer count down until it was less than a minute." _

_She swallowed, "He was really brave-Coop, so brave. He told me to go into the farthest corner and to hide behind some shelving and then he moved the suitcase as far away from me as he could. Then he lay on top of it and it exploded, Jason. It blew up and pieces of Coop flew up into the air and then fell down, some of them landed on top of me. That really didn't seem so important at the time because a big piece of metal from the suitcase came flying across the room and hit me in the face. It was searing hot and it hurt. God! It burned!" Her shoulders were trembling now with remembrance._

_Jason was appalled. He didn't know what to do. He took a tentative step towards her wanting to offer what cold comfort he could. Without turning around, she put up a small hand clearly telling him to stop._

"_I lay there for hours, going in and out of consciousness. I could smell it Jason-the scent of cooked meat-it came from Coop, it came from me. Do you know what it is like to smell something like that? I'm a vegetarian now, a vegan actually," a dry chuckle emanated from her. _

"_They finally came, hours afterwards. They couldn't get into the vault because of the fucking fail safe system and they had to wait for it to open twelve hours later. They took me to the hospital. I was in shock and my heart, this ever reliable heart of mine, went into cardiac arrest. I almost died, really I would have preferred it but that isn't the deal that God has with me. No that bastard killed Georgie, Robin, Coop-but me, he just did this to me."_

_She finally turned around and in the new harsher light Jason could clearly see her for the first time that night. He couldn't prevent the shocked gasp that escaped him. _

"_Maxie!" He stepped towards her reflexively but she backed away from him. _

_The left side of her face was a mass of crisscrossing scars. They radiated out from her eye down her cheek to her jaw. Her eye was dragged down and droopy while her lips were pulled up in a permanent half-smirk. _

"_Pretty isn't it?" She said harshly, tears standing in her eyes as she glared at him defiantly. "Nope, not such a hero that night Jason. The whole fucking hotel blew up but no one had something like this happen to them. There I was in a goddamn vault and I come out looking like this." Abruptly, she turned the lights off and went back to the couch._

"_Maxie," his tone was full of sorrow and pity. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't help you that night. I would give anything to have it turn out differently, anything." _

_He knew everything was lost, every hope he had stubbornly clung to during this long arduous day had been vaporized. Nothing anyone had said, nothing he had experienced or seen had convinced him so thoroughly as this poor disfigured, broken woman sitting before him right now. Damian Spinelli truly didn't exist on this planet because if he did then Maxie Jones would be whole and healthy and irritating as hell. _

__

That night at the Metro Court, that night… Well, it had been exactly as Maxie described until the moment that Lulu had a gun held to her head and Spinelli was instructed to find the combination to the vault, to override the fail safe, that is if he wanted Lulu to live. It had been the first time Jason had seen Spinelli under pressure and he had fully expected him to fall apart. He hadn't, he had been nervous but he had gone into the zone-had left everything and everyone behind. Spinelli had figured out the combination and opened the vault. Maxie, Cooper and the suitcase had all been rescued. The suitcase had been deactivated, there had been no explosion, Coop hadn't died, Maxie hadn't been disfigured…

_For the final time today, Jason was hearing an alternate version of events in his life. This one was different though, this time the proof was staring him in the face, not off-stage somewhere so that he could live in denial. Jason had no more plans, no more ideas, no more faith._

_Maxie looked up at him hearing the sincerity in his voice. Her brief spurt of anger, of spirit had evaporated leaving her listless and empty. She didn't really understand why Jason was here, she hadn't seen him since the events at the Metro Court. She hadn't expected to, they were nothing to each other and her father hated him with all his soul. He would not be pleased to hear that Jason Morgan had been in his house. If she had her way, he wouldn't hear about it from her-unless some neighbor told him. _

"_I'm sorry. I can't help you find your friend Jason. I still don't understand why you thought I would know anything about him in the first place. I hope you find him soon. I'm really tired now. So, if you could show yourself out." She was so weary but some echo of how people were meant to behave caused her to add, "Merry Christmas, Jason."_

_Both their worlds had turned to ashes but she had been dwelling in hers a lot longer than he had. His regard for her had never been higher. So, with a supreme effort he managed to dredge up an appropriate response as he headed for the front door. "Merry Christmas, Maxie."_

_As he stepped out onto the front porch and looked up at the swirling snow, he knew where he had to go. He had been avoiding the inevitability of it all day, ever since Carly had come to the penthouse. "Poor Carly," he thought ruefully. He had treated her so badly simply because she had told him the truth and had tried to help him. He wished he could make it up to her, he really did but he wasn't going to be seeing her. _

_Jason wasn't going to be seeing anyone after tonight. He had just one thing left to do and then he would be free to go. It was the only logical thing. He was happy that almost everyone that his absence would have mattered to was already gone. The few that might still care, well, he couldn't help that, he wasn't capable of staying not anymore. If he had one regret it was that he had never really known Damian Spinelli-it seemed like his existence would have been the better for it._

_It was fully dark by the time Jason reached his destination. The newly turned soil was warmer than the atmosphere and so the snow hadn't stuck to it. He found them easily, one big and one little. They were black against the surrounding white. He could see small temporary markers indicating where their heads lay-Elizabeth Weber and Jacob Weber, stark and simple. _

"_I failed you," his voice was so soft it was lost in the disorienting whiteness. It didn't matter though, he knew they couldn't hear him anyway. "If I could be lying there instead of you, I would gladly have done that exchange. I'm coming anyway. I am tired of this place." _

_Unexpectedly, he was wracked by great cramping sobs that brought him to his knees. "Elizabeth, Jake…" he was howling their names into the endless night. In utter abandon and misery he laid face down, part of his body covering each of their graves. His fists clenched and clawed at the wet and muddy soil. He buried his face in it, trying to dig down to them, to be with them this one last time…_


	3. Christma Eve I

__

**_A/N: I have no rights or affiliation with the characters presented within this piece_**

_The Ripple Effect_

_Chapter 3: Christmas Eve I_

_Sunlight was streaming in through the windows. Jason was thrashing and moaning in the grip of his nightmare. The only distinct words that could be comprehended were "Elizabeth, Jake," repeated over and over again. He was sweating and tears were running down his cheeks. His fists were entangled in the sheets as he pounded the mattress in an agony of grief._

_Jason's eyes popped open, his heart was thumping as he stared around the room in perplexity. He wasn't lying in a graveyard in the middle of snow storm. He was in his own bed in his bedroom at his penthouse. He looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand, 10 a.m.-just like yesterday…._

"_Wait a minute," he thought confused. Yesterday-was that the day he was drunk and fought with Spinelli or was it the next day when he found out the world had gone mad and taken away all his reasons for living? _

_With a grunt he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. Immediately he felt an intense throbbing in his skull and the room twirled around him as his inner ear fought to establish equilibrium. _

_A wild flare of hope surged through him. "This was exactly how yesterday morning had begun," he thought with a fierce exaltation. _

_So, maybe, just maybe, everything he had experienced yesterday wasn't real, that it had all been a dream. That would mean that this was the reality-the sunlight, the hang-over, the cuts on his face and the bruises on his body-they were all true and the rest…all just a terrible nightmare._

"_There's only one way to find out," he told himself. He couldn't seem to move. He was petrified to get up and go check. _

_He didn't know what he would do if he found it to be the way it had been before, he couldn't go through that again, he couldn't. Reluctantly, he pushed himself slowly up off the bed. He stood still for a moment to let his eyes and balance equilibrate as he successfully quelled the urge to vomit. Stumbling over the boots that he had strewn on the floor he made his way to the bedroom door and opening it stepped out into the hall. _

_Spinelli's bedroom door was closed giving no indication of what lay behind it. Dry mouthed and with a knot in his stomach, Jason trudged down the hall and without giving him time to reconsider, grabbed the door knob and flung the door open. It hit the wall with a resounding bang and then began to swing back. Jason put a hand on it steadying it as he peered with trepidation into the room._

"_Thank God!" He swayed weakly as he saw that he had been given a reprieve. "It's all right, it's all right." Jason didn't care that he was crying, his eyes overflowing with tears of pure relief, he didn't care at all._

_The room was just the way it was supposed to be, should always be. There wasn't a square inch of carpet visible; the whole was blanketed with clothes, shoes, dirty plates, piles of books… The bed was rumpled and unmade while every available surface in the room was covered with something or other. In one corner a computer desk sat piled high with obscure equipment that hummed and beeped comfortingly. Jason didn't have to see the bathroom to know the utter chaos that reigned there. He had never been so happy to see a mess of such gigantic proportions. This, this was what Spinelli's room was supposed to look like and he'd shoot anyone who would think of cleaning it up._

_Suddenly Jason remembered the living room and what had occurred there. He turned, his headache forgotten, and dashed down the stairs, having to steady himself momentarily as his imbalance returned. At the foot of the stairs he stopped and looked over at the fireplace. A broad grin crossed his face. It was all there-the partially burned tree, the scattered evergreen boughs, the knife sticking out from the wall-all of it just as he had left it last night._

"_Last night," he thought, "That means that today is the twenty-fourth, Christmas Eve, it isn't Christmas yet. I still have time…"_

_Jason had been so happy to discover that everything he thought had occurred yesterday-or was it today? "To hell with it!" He grunted, unable to contemplate the metaphysics of what he had experienced. _

_No, matter how or why, it was beyond amazing that none of that had been true but that didn't rectify the fact that he had been so unforgivably insensitive towards Spinelli. He winced as he looked over at the toppled tree, the shards of ornaments twinkled in the morning sunlight. He had destroyed Spinelli's only tie to his absent mother but even worse was the fear that Jason had decimated Spinelli's trust in him. Jason had always felt uncomfortable with Spinelli's unabashed hero-worship of him but he now found it unbearable to think of the young man looking at him with contempt or anger or even hate in his expressive green eyes. _

"_Where is he anyway?" He muttered worried as he looked around at the silent apartment. Spinelli had left last night with his spirit crushed and his hands cut and as far as Jason could see he hadn't returned. _

_This was different from the dream though, Jason knew that Spinelli was alive somewhere in the world. As soon as he found him, he would bring him back home where he belonged. He would do whatever he had to in order to make things right between them, he wanted his brother back. He would give him a Christmas to remember. _

_Jason was heading for the front door ready to go out into the world-to find Spinelli, to make sure that everything-_everything_-he had experienced had only been a result of his dream. As he opened the door he looked down at his feet and realized that they were bare. Stepping back he looked down at his clothes in general, they were crumpled, stained, smelled of beer, and that was only what he could see… Sighing, impatient to be off but aware that he couldn't go out like this he turned back upstairs._

_Forty minutes later showered shaven and dressed in a pull-over that Carly had given him and a pair of dress slacks he was back at the front door. He didn't know why he had decided to forego his usual uniform of T-shirt and jeans but somehow the importance, perhaps even the solemnity, of the day was such that he needed to show respect not just in his actions but in his appearance as well. The leather jacket-well that was non-negotiable-he smiled to himself as he left the apartment._

_The day was cold and crisp, the sky leaden with the promise of snow to come. "Just like yesterday," he thought to himself, "No, wait that was the vision or whatever…" _

_Jason groaned this stuff was giving him a headache but he could hear Spinelli yammering away in his head, "That is so cool, Stone Cold, was it an out of body experience, a visitation from the spirit world, your subconscious at work? The Jackal is intrigued beyond measure!" Well, the kid could analyze it all he wanted once Jason found him and apologized. _

_Jason knew he should be out searching with a single goal-finding Spinelli. He supposed he could even make a case for his first stop as being part of that process. Still, if he were being honest with himself, this visit was only for him, to prove to himself that it had indeed been a dream-scratch that-a nightmare. He knew if he didn't check, if he didn't reassure himself then he wouldn't be able to shake the residual dread that the experience had engendered in him._

_Once again the elevator pinged as he stepped out at the tenth floor nurses' station. The difference between his last trip (not really a trip-he needed to stop these comparisons but he didn't exactly know how) and this was like night and day. Then it had been a quiet, grayish place where the only two people in evidence were Epiphany and Patrick. They were here today as well but that is where the similarities stopped. The floor was a hectic, crowded place with people swirling around chatting, decorating and even, it appeared, practicing a little medicine._

_There were decorations everywhere-poinsettias, colored streamers, a large tree in the corner and smaller flocked ones on the desk and on the table in the waiting area. There was even mistletoe, at least Jason assumed that was what the little ball of greenery was that Nicholas Cassidine and Nadine Crowell were standing under as they kissed and laughed and teased one another. _

_Patrick Drake was standing at the counter talking to another doctor. His glance kept straying to the waiting area and a goofy grin would creep across his face before he would recollect himself and turn back to his colleague with an appropriately professional mien. _

_Jason followed Patrick's line of sight to see what he been staring at. His own face split into a delighted smile. "It was all right, everything was okay," he told himself as he saw the living proof in front of him._

_Robin Scorpio and Elizabeth Weber sat in the chairs and couches of the waiting area. Elizabeth was holding Robin's daughter Emma in her arms and with her heart-shaped face, brown curls and blue scrubs seemed the closest thing to a Madonna that Jason had ever seen. Seated on Robin's lap was Jake while standing next to his mother was his brother Cameron. _

_Jason swallowed over the lump that had appeared in his throat at the sight of his son-happy, healthy and vital. All the guilt he had been harboring these last several weeks suddenly vanished as he realized how foolhardy he been to obsess over what might have been instead of what really was. _

_The joy and peace of the moment wasn't even spoiled as Lucky Spencer walked around Jason and went up to Elizabeth. Smiling he picked up Jake who was happy to see him and taking Cameron's hand he bent down and kissed Elizabeth on the cheek. "I'll have them back in time for the party. Cameron has been hinting that he needs to get some Christmas shopping done and so do I."_

_Elizabeth and Robin laughed at him and together said, "Men!" They then exchanged a look of perfect understanding at the foibles of the weaker sex who not only felt it entirely appropriate to shop on Christmas Eve but were also training the next generation in such abysmal behaviors.  
_

_Patrick finished his consultation and came over to join the group. He was looking proudly down at Emma, now back with her mother, as she grabbed his finger in her tiny fist and yawned up at her entirely captivated father. _

"_Did you say something about Christmas shopping?" he asked Lucky who was standing by while Elizabeth was making sure that both her sons were bundled up warmly enough. _

"_You want to come?" Lucky offered, his arms full of a boisterous Jake._

"_Sure, I need some male bonding." He smiled wickedly at Robin who responded by sticking her tongue out at him._

"_Not you too," she laughingly complained, "I can hardly wait to see what you guys get with everything already sold out or picked over."_

"_No," Patrick said earnestly, he was a grizzled veteran of last minute holiday shopping. "It's when you get some of the best deals. The stores are desperate to make a sale."_

"_Whatever," Robin waved him away in mock disgust as Elizabeth giggled._

_The foursome turned to leave, Lucky carrying Jake again walked by Jason. For a brief moment he paused, letting Jason look into his son's eyes which were identical in color to his own. Jason reached out and ran his hand gently over the blue bobble cap covering his son's spiky blond hair. "Merry Christmas Jake," he said softly as he stepped back with a grateful glance at Lucky who tilted his head in acknowledgment._

"_Jason," her voice was gentle and he gazed down at her face with every bit of love and longing he bore her clearly showing in his eyes. He remembered what it had been like when he had thought she was no longer on the planet, the bleakness, the emptiness that had turned his heart to ice. He now knew that the pain of not being with her or with Jake was nothing compared to his anguish if they ever ceased to exist. _

"_Elizabeth," he whispered back, his heart contained in one word._

_Every feeling he had was reciprocated perhaps multiplied in her stare. The room full of people had receded and it was just the two of them in this infinitely finite moment. It was Elizabeth who broke eye contact first, as she somewhat self consciously looked around at her colleagues who suddenly seemed to find anywhere else but the space she and Jason occupied as worthy of interest. A low hum of chatter began as people started conversing and tried to ignore the most romantic, passionate, and tragic example of star crossed love it had ever been their voyeuristic pleasure to observe. _

"_I should get back to work, my break is over," she said striving for normalcy._

"_Elizabeth," his voice was shaky and she couldn't remember ever hearing him be so hesitant, so unsure of himself. "I just want you and Jake to be happy, to have good ordinary lives. That's all I want-that's everything to me."_

_She smiled up at him in sad acceptance. "I know and we will. You don't need to worry about us." She started to walk away and then stopping, turned back to look at him, "Merry Christmas, Jason."_

_He had regained his composure and said gravely, "Merry Christmas, Elizabeth."_

_He stared after her retreating back, hungrily absorbing every aspect of her movement, her appearance. It would have to do until the next time he saw her and he had no idea when that would be. _

"_Say hello to your Uncle Jason," Robin had come up next to him and she was holding Emma out for him to take._

_Ordinarily he would have backed off, refused to take her, wanting none of the stain, the danger represented by Jason Morgan to lay its shadow over an innocent baby. Still, this was no ordinary day and Jason gratefully accepted into his arms the little girl whose very existence he had doubted only hours before._

"_Hey, Emma," he said looking down at her sleeping face as she lay in his arms. "She's beautiful," he said with reverence as he looked up at his dear friend._

"_Yes, she is," Robin agreed complacently. "Tonight we're going to bring her here to listen to the reading of the Christmas Story. I can't believe that it will make two generations. I used to come to this same party when I was a kid."_

_Jason realized with a shock that it would make two generations for him as well-Jake would hear the same words that he used to hear every Christmas Eve. He only regretted that Jake's grandfather and his father, Alan Quartermaine, was no longer the reader. Jason would have liked them to have shared that bond even unknowingly as none of the Quartermaines were aware of Jake's existence. _

"_Have a good time," he said as he handed Emma back. "I am so happy that this dream of yours came true. I can't think of anyone who deserved it more." _

_Jason was looking at Robin with an intensity that made her feel a little awkward. It was like he had never seen her before or that she had just survived some perilous event but none of that was true… _

"_I'm exactly where I want to be. I wasn't always sure I would get here and you were an important part of my journey." She said it with complete sincerity. Jason Morgan would always occupy a unique space in her heart._

_He ducked his head, embarrassed as usual whenever she tried to credit him with having any part in forming the person she had become. "I'm glad for you." He said simply as he turned to leave._

_Robin watched him go, "He's not like anyone else you'll ever meet Emma," she said to her sleeping daughter. "He's such a good man in so many ways but he is also so lost. I don't know if he'll ever find his way. Yet, he's helped so many other people find their paths-just like he did for your Mom. So, we'll just have to keep wishing and hoping that someday he can live the life he deserves. That will be our Christmas wish for Jason-peace."_

_As Jason was reaching to push the elevator button a familiar voice with an underlying laugh in it said, "Gently now, gently."_

"_Touissant! What are you doing here? I thought you always worked the night shift." Jason had loved this man from the first day he had worked under his tutelage during his long summer of community service. He was delighted to see him now. This bittersweet day unexpectedly sparkled with pure pleasure as Jason turned to greet his friend whom he hadn't seen in so long._

"_It's Christmas Eve, thought I'd come in and help out with the party and well…maybe see a certain someone." Touissant was looking over his shoulder and sending a beaming smile at Epiphany Johnson who pretended to glare at him as she tossed her head to show her disdain. As Touissant turned back to him, Jason still watching Epiphany saw a satisfied smirk spread across her face as she made some notations in a chart._

"_Going to put the mistletoe to use?" Jason teased him, one of the few people in the world he felt comfortable doing so with, the other was Spinelli._

"_Who's to say we haven't already?" Touissant responded with a smirk reminiscent of Epiphany's._

_Jason laughed, he actually laughed. Several people stopped and stared at him in disbelief and then shook their heads as to clear their ears. "Had they heard that? No, they couldn't have…"_

"_Where's that floppy haired boy of yours? Always enjoy hearing him go on about this or that." _

_Jason's face turned somber as he looked at Touissant. He was perhaps the one person that he could tell the truth to without fear of being judged. _

"_We had a fight last night-my fault all of it. I was…drunk. I did and said some…unforgivable things. He left and like a goddamned idiot I let him go. He didn't come home last night and I need to find him. I just stopped by here first…" Well, that was one part he wasn't going to try and explain, no one was that understanding._

_Touissant looked at him with sympathy and an apprehension that showed he had comprehended more than Jason had actually said. "Go find him, he's a good man, he'll forgive you. It's Christmas."_

"_Yeah," Jason was suddenly desirous of doing nothing more than finding Spinelli and setting everything right. Touissant was right, Spinelli would forgive him, he had to. The elevator arrived and he stepped in, "Merry Christmas, Touissant."_

_He received an upraised hand of farewell and a world caliber grin in response, "Tell the kid hi from me."_

_Jason walked into the Metro Court lobby, his palms slick with sweat, he was nervous. This was the first place he had come to that it was likely he would actually find Spinelli. He desperately wanted to see him and talk to him but he had no idea what he was going to say and more importantly he didn't know what Spinelli's reaction would be. Jason could understand if he was angry with him, even told him to stay away that Spinelli didn't want someone in his life who treated him so poorly. Jason could see all that and more importantly, agree with it as well. The problem was that Jason was beginning to recognize that it was possible, no probable, that he needed Spinelli more than Spinelli needed him. He thought he would do just about anything, say whatever worked to get Spinelli to come back home and forgive him or at least say that he could see doing so someday. So, nervous a little? Absolutely!_

_He was following a direct path to the elevators impatient to begin his penance in order to earn a fervently desired absolution when he saw Carly out of the corner of his eye. She was speaking to several guests and her charm and smile were at their full wattage but Jason could see the shadows in her eyes and the circles beneath them. Sighing to himself, he turned towards her. He knew that she was hurting and that he needed to step up as her friend. If nothing else he needed to make up for yesterday…_

"_It wasn't real!" he growled at himself as several people looked at him startled. "When was this overlay of these two Christmas Eves going to stop?" He thought in frustration._

"_Jason!" Carly had finished speaking to the guests and was flinging her arms around him in an exuberant hug._

"_Carly," he said returning her embrace in a more restrained fashion. "How are you?"_

"_Fine, what's not too love? Today's Christmas Eve, tonight Santa comes and tomorrow Morgan will open all his presents. He hit the jackpot this year, Jason." As she chattered at him, she was leading him to one of the lobby couches for a tête-à-tête._

"_No, I mean really, how are you?" Jason was looking directly into Carly's eyes daring her to dissimulate with him._

_Carly looked down at their entwined hands, she had yet to release him. When she raised her head, Jason could see tears sparkling in her eyes. She reached up with one hand and using her thumb impatiently wiped at the corners of her eyes._

"_Not so good," she said in a low voice with a quirk of her lips. "It's the first Christmas, since Michael…" she took a deep breath, "since the shooting and I miss him, Jason I miss him so much!"_

_Suddenly she was in Jason's arms her head against his chest as ragged, keening sobs emitted from her. "I know Carly, I know…" Jason said soothingly as he rocked her and stroked her hair. "I miss him too, this time of year-Michael loved Christmas so much. It doesn't seem right that things are how they are."_

"_No, it isn't. It isn't right at all." She sobbed into his chest. His pullover was feeling distinctly damp but that seemed only appropriate as it had been Carly who had bought it for him. "He should be here with me and his brother. We should be a family-going to the hospital Christmas party, decorating the tree, opening presents." She looked at him and said in a whisper, "You know what makes it worse, Jason?"_

_He tilted her chin up and using his other hand wiped away the tear stains on her cheeks. "No, what?" He asked compassionately._

"_The thing that makes it worse is that this…this is the first one," she paused to look up at him to see if he grasped what she was saying or he if was at least listening. Reassured by the attentive expression on his face, she continued. _

"_There will never be another Christmas with Michael-never. He'll never see the changes in Morgan over the years, never have a Christmas the year he's dating and is too cool to hang out with his family or have a Christmas where's he home from college and mostly eats a lot and has a ton of laundry, or a Christmas where he brings her over-you know, the one-the true love. He'll never come by with his own family or instill Christmas traditions in his own children. Instead there just will be Christmases with an empty space where Michael and all the parts of his life should be. I will see that void every year for the rest of my life. I don't know how I'll manage to get through it Jason. It isn't this year, bad as it is, it's all _those_ endless years of should have beens and would have beens…" _

_Carly was finally still, drained of all emotion, of anything except a dull leaden feeling she had been carrying around in her stomach for months now. She closed her eyes wrapped her arms around Jason and lay her head on his shoulder. _

_Jason sat there holding her. His own eyes stung with tears as he contemplated the desolate future Carly had just outlined. He missed Michael fiercely and was doubly affected by what she had said because he was envisioning a similar cheerless future without Jake in his life. He knew it wasn't really the same thing that Jake was aware and happy and healthy, not unconscious and confined to a bed for the rest of his life like Michael. Still, it was so difficult to bear the thought of all the milestones Carly had outlined as passing for Jake without Jason there to witness a single one. _

_It had been less than twenty-four hours since he had envisioned a world without Spinelli and by default a dead Elizabeth and Jake. When he had woken this morning and discovered that the alternate reality hadn't become his world, he had been grateful and satisfied-simply glad that Jake and Elizabeth were safe and alive. Now already he was backsliding, feeling sorry for himself rather than recognizing his solitude as a natural consequence of the life choices he had made. It was this self-pity, this sense of there being no purpose to his life that had led to the fight with Spinelli and to his exposure to a world where things were truly untenable._

_He needed to get a grip, pull it together and start moving forward by accepting how things were versus how they might have been. The truth was they might have been worse, much worse. He had been given some sort of cosmic second chance unlike the woman in his arms. He knew what Carly would have given to have Michael back whole and healthy-her soul, her very life. He couldn't diminish her grief or Spinelli's value by mourning a son who was perfectly happy and healthy. _

"_This stops now!" he said to himself grimly. "No more what ifs or drinking. I will get Spinelli back and that will be family enough. It has to be…"_

_Carly stirred in his arms and pulled back. Sitting up she brushed at her red eyes and ran her fingers through her hair. "I must look a mess, huh?" She said it with a shaky little laugh. Her competent tough exterior wasn't quite back in place yet._

"_You look beautiful," Jason told her with a truthful simplicity that she could entirely trust. "You always do, no matter what."_

_She smiled at him, a sweet Carly smile that so few people except Jason, her sons, and a handful of others ever got to see. "Thanks Jason," she said. "I don't mean for saying I look good when I know I'm a mess-but thanks for that too…" She was serious now, looking him straight in the eye. "Thanks for just being here and holding me and listening to me and not just saying that it will all be all right so that you can feel better. That is what most people would have done." She paused, searching for the right words. "Thanks for being Jason, my friend who I can count on no matter what."_

"_You're welcome. You know you've done the same for me more times than I can even remember…" _

_Jason looked at Carly speculatively. He had been planning something since he had woken up this morning. Yet, he didn't know how he would accomplish both finding Spinelli and at the same time achieving his other goal-his Christmas surprise as it were. _

_Jason knew Carly very well, better perhaps than almost anyone. Even as depressed as she was, he knew that being distracted, having something constructive to do would take her mind temporarily off of Michael and the grief that had come to the fore during the holidays. He realized she would be far more efficient and effective than he would at accomplishing what was as yet only a vague outline in his mind. He was also aware that the biggest danger of setting Carly loose on this project was her tendency to color outside the lines, to do everything her way. Yet, this…this particular scenario had to happen Jason's way-just this once._

"_Carly," he said to her slowly, still not sure if he was having a brilliant inspiration or was inviting disaster. "I know you're really busy with the holidays and the children's party and Morgan and all," he hesitated in a most uncharacteristic way._

"_What is it Jason?" Carly looked at him encouragingly, it was strange to see Jason so diffident, so uncertain about what to say._

"_I need a favor, there's something I have to do and there is another thing that I want to do and I don't think I have time to do the second thing the way it should be done and so I was wondering…" _

_He was actually babbling which Carly didn't think she had ever heard Jason do. No, she was sure now that she thought about it that she hadn't ever heard him talk like this in such imprecise terms. He seemed agitated and unsure and her heart went out to him._

"_Sure, whatever you need, I'll do it. Just tell me what it is. Though I'll need to hear it explained a little bit slower and more clearly." Carly was silently laughing at the very fact that she had to admonish Jason to slow down and talk more distinctly. "Who would ever have thought this day would come?" She thought to herself in bemusement._

"_You will, just like that?" He looked at her in amazed relief for once grateful for the impetuosity that was one of Carly's defining traits._

"_Of course I will, Jason! How often do you ask me for a favor while I'm always barging into your life and expecting you to drop everything just to go along with some harebrained idea of mine. Although," she grinned at him, unable to resist having him on for a minute, "You usually tell me to take a hike when I do…"_

"_Carly," Jason started, unsure of what he needed to say so that she would agree to help him._

_She laughed out loud, actually feeling happier and lighter than she had in a long time, "I'm just kidding, Jason, though the look on your face!" She giggled and then instantly repented as she saw familiar frown lines appearing between his eyes and across his forehead. She knew she had almost gone too far. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "Just tell me what you need and I'll do it."_

"_Well," Jason began, as he leaned in and began to talk to her quietly and with a certain urgency while Carly listened to him intently. When he was finished, he sat back and looked at her and asked her flatly, "Can you do all that?"_

"_Absolutely!" she caroled, "Oh, this is so exciting! It'll be fun."_

"_Carly," Jason warned her, he knew her all too well. "It has to be the way I said with all the people I mentioned, even if you have a problem with them yourself. This isn't about you or your feelings…" _

_In a way it actually was as Jason was hoping it would help her focus on something besides her guilt over Michael, but since that ulterior motive was understood only by him he couldn't afford to be indulgent towards her. He had made that mistake once too often in their relationship and lived to regret it._

_Carly looked at him in mock offense, "Why Jason I would never do that!" _

_Except that they both knew she would totally do that if it suited her needs. _

_Still, today was Christmas Eve and she realized that Jason had entrusted her with a very important task and she wasn't going to disappoint him. She also knew that he was trying to keep her from dwelling too much on Michael and she loved him for it. She would do exactly as he had requested even if it killed her._

"_It just might…" she reflected to herself, "considering some of things he asked me to do." Her pride was going to be on the line today and Jason had better consider this her Christmas present to him, she never knew what to get him anyway. _

"_You better not," he said trying but failing to insert his trademark steely glint into his eyes as he glared at Carly. It had never had any effect on her. He realized that he was just going to have to hope that she could do as he had requested without too much in the way of collateral damage. _

_Well, he'd done the best he could and now he needed to once again resume his hunt for Spinelli. "I have to go Carly," he said rising from the couch. "Thanks again for doing this for me." He started to walk away and then another thought hit him and he turned back. "I almost forgot-is Marty on duty today? I need to ask him something."_

_Surprised that Jason was even aware of who Marty was, Carly nodded, "Yes, but he's at lunch right now. He should be back in a couple of minutes."_

"_I'll catch him then. See you later Carly." He was once more heading with purpose for the bank of elevators that would deliver him to the Crimson offices. _

_Jason stepped out of the elevator into the foyer of the Crimson floor and immediately felt like he had walked into his version of hell. The Crimson Christmas party was in full swing. He didn't know how many people were there but it was way too many for his comfort level. The scene was chaotic with people dancing, chatting, and modeling clothing from the magazine's annual closet employee giveaway. Everything was occurring at full volume-the talking, the singing, the jazz combo-they all were an assault on Jason's ears. _

_Desperately he searched for Maxie or, if he had to, he would have even settled for Lulu again. There was no sign of either. Jason was grimly pushing his way through the crowd using his patented glare to gain him a valued circle of personal space when suddenly he came face to face with the doyenne of Crimson-Kate Howard._

"_Kate," he said biting off the word, not bothering to conceal his dislike._

"_Jason," she responded, she was one of the few people to ever match, and perhaps top, his own icy demeanor. "What brings you to our little Christmas soiree, not at all your type of event one would imagine."_

"_I'm looking for Maxie, is she here?" He knew better than to engage in verbal calisthenics with her, he would definitely lose. _

"_She's in my office, doing a few last minute things for me. Please don't distract her for long, we have some deadlines to meet."_

_Without a verbal acknowledgement or backward glance, Jason headed to Kate's office. "Really," she blew out her cheeks in exasperation, "That man!" _

_There were some advantages to being out of Sonny's life and she thought number one of the list might just be never having to listen to him bemoan how much he missed Jason in his life. Kate Howard herself would gladly never see Jason Morgan again. She hoped he wasn't going to make a habit of showing up at Crimson. Spinelli she could tolerate, even find useful now and again, but Jason…he was absolutely another story. _

_Pasting on her gracious hostess smile she moved through the melee wondering when she could realistically make her excuses and escape to the pathetic solitude of her exquisitely decorated home. "Oh, Sonny!" she thought biting her lower lip to keep sudden tears at bay, "I miss you so much…"_

_Jason stopped at the doorway to Kate's office. Maxie was indeed there, her back to Jason as she spoke on the phone. "I don't care if it's Christmas Eve. You promised us those proofs by 9 a.m. this morning and it's after 1 p.m. Well, that isn't my fault, I suggest that you get your own rear in gear and deliver them yourself if you expect any future business from Crimson in the upcoming new year." She listened to a responsive rant or explanation or pleading for all of thirty seconds before interrupting whoever was on the other end of the line. "Three o'clock today or our contract with you is terminated." She slammed down the receiver and said furiously, "Jerk! He's not the only one working Christmas Eve!"_

_Jason's lips quirked as he eavesdropped, "At least she sounds like herself," he thought, somewhat reassured. _

_Maxie had been the only person in his encounters that had actually shown him the results of the skewed reality he had been temporarily immersed in. People that were simply absent like Emma or even Spinelli or even those that were said to be dead, including the graves he had visited, somehow had done less to convince him than his short visit with Maxie. One look at her horribly scarred face had done much more to persuade him that he was in an alternate universe than all the frustrating and frightening conversations he had participated in. _

_So, now he waited with bated breath for her to turn around. Jason realized that for him to be assured that he was securely back in his everyday life everything hinged on what Maxie looked like… He couldn't even bring himself to call out to her, to let her know he was behind her._

_Maxie took the decision about announcing his presence out of his hands by swinging abruptly around with a pile of files in her arms. She was halfway to the door before she registered his presence. _

"_Jason! What are you doing here?" Maxie was beyond startled, to see Jason Morgan in the mélange that was the Crimson Holiday party. Just encountering him at Crimson-had she _ever_ seen him here? She thought not and the only reason that she could imagine which would be important enough to get him to brave such an antithetical environment…_

"_Has something happened to Spinelli? Is he okay? Why are you here Jason?" Her voice was shrill with anxiety as she stepped closer to him, the files slipping to the floor unnoticed in her freshly panicked state. _

_Two factors kept Jason from responding immediately to Maxie's agitated request for information and reassurance. The first was Maxie herself-or to be more accurate-her face. He knew finally and without reservation that everything was back to the way it should be or at least he would make it so when he tracked down Spinelli. Her face, her lovely face was unblemished except for the frown line between her eyes as she cocked her head and put her hands on her hips and opening her mouth was getting ready to let loose another barrage of questions._

_Jason put up his hand to forestall her, "Maxie, just a minute, just give me a minute so that I can look at you." He was grinning like an idiot as he tipped her chin up and ran his hand down her left cheek from her eye to her jaw. It was smooth and unmarked and he was so grateful…_

_The other thing that made him almost giddy with relief was Maxie's spontaneous mention of Spinelli. She was the first person who had referenced him without being prompted. Still, it all made sense to Jason, she was the one he would have most expected to think of him, to bring him up, to be concerned about him. _

_Until this very moment Jason hadn't entirely comprehended how thoroughly his nightmare journey into an intolerable alternate reality had affected him. It took seeing Maxie once again whole and healthy and spunky and worried about Spinelli to banish the last fragments of his fear and despair._

"_Jason," Maxie said his name slowly, tentatively as though she was unsure what he might do or say. _

_She had never seen Jason smile so freely. It lightened his whole face and made him look both younger and approachable. Yet, it was because Jason Morgan was smiling that she was beginning to get seriously freaked. _

_Then there was the whole "let me look at you" line and the physical contact. Touching was not a Jason attribute-unless, she presumed-though never really wanting any kind of actual proof, it occurred during the full body contact type found in hot, steamy sex. _

"_Well, if I were being honest," she mused staring mesmerized into the depths of his sapphirine eyes, "I might have thought about it a time or two…"_

_Suddenly, remembering that she was supposed to be grilling Jason about Spinelli, she ripped her gaze away from his and with the loss of eye contact she was able to step back away from such close physical proximity with him. Once again in control of her emotions (or was it her hormones?) she asked with determination, "Is he all right? Spinelli?"_

_When Maxie broke their communion it tore Jason out of his own meditative trance and he tried to answer her as honestly as he could without causing her any further alarm. "I don't know where he is right now. We had a fight and he left the penthouse to cool down and think about things. It was all on me and I'm looking for him to set things right. I thought he might have come to you…" He intentionally didn't mention the fact that their confrontation had happened last night as he knew that would only make her more upset._

"_No, I haven't seen or heard from him today. It's been crazy here and Kate's been dumping a lot of extra work on me. I've barely had a moment to breathe." She stopped and looked at Jason suspiciously, "What did you say to Spinelli? Did you hurt his feelings? Jason, he worships you and he's so sensitive. You don't realize how much the things you say can mess him up. He must have felt bad to have left like that. Maybe I should come with you and help you find him. He might talk to me rather than you. Let me just get my purse…" _

"_Maxie!" he felt like he was being pelted by words and he was desperate to stop the endless flow of verbiage. Ever since Spinelli and then Maxie had entered his life it had become a lot noisier. While he wouldn't trade either of them for anything he sometimes mourned the lost quietude of his prior life. _

"_You have things to do here for Kate and I have to find Spinelli myself. I said and did things that I need to ask his pardon for. It's not for you to resolve."_

_Maxie was intensely curious as to what the disagreement had been about but she knew that Spinelli would tell her when she saw him. It was to Jason's credit that he was assuming the culpability and seemed genuinely repentant and eager to fix things. She often thought that he treated Spinelli too cavalierly and took him too much for granted. She was glad that he finally seemed to be recognizing how special he was and how important it was to show him appropriate respect. _

"_Maybe this will be Jason and Spinelli's Christmas miracle," she reflected. Maxie wasn't as cynical as everyone perceived her to be._

"_So, I'm going to go find Spinelli and you're going to get back to work." Once again Jason had moved close to her, he bent down and brushed his lips across her cheek, caressing it one last time. "I'll see you later, Maxie," his lips quirked as he saw the astounded expression on her face. Turning towards the door he took a deep breath and once again plunged into the crowd of partygoers who had become progressively drunker, noisier and rowdier in the short time Jason had spent at the Crimson offices._

_Astonished, Maxie reached up to touch her cheek. Jason Morgan had kissed her! She knew nothing alcoholic had crossed her lips all day but how else to explain the inexplicable? Maybe it was a planetary alignment thingy or something, Spinelli would know. _

"_Spinelli!" she thought flustered, "Tonight is Christmas Eve and if I want to spend it with him, I should get back to work. _

_Maxie bent down to pick up the scattered files. Once she put these back she had several more calls to make before she could leave. After all, she wasn't called Kate Howard's hatchet girl for no reason… _

_Jason was grateful to find himself back in the orderly world of the Metro Court lobby, he felt like he had been trapped in a den of hyenas for the last half hour. How people thought an even like that was fun was beyond him. Give him a nice solitary motorcycle ride anytime._

_He walked over to the lobby desk and found the head clerk on duty. "Marty right?" He had seen him around talking to Carly and Jax and he knew that he and Spinelli were somewhat friendly._

_Marty definitely knew who Jason was. He wasn't entirely comfortable to be looking up into his forbidding eyes even though he couldn't imagine what he could possibly have done to put himself on the wrong side of the mob boss._

"_Yes sir, may I help you?" He retreated into his professional persona, it always facilitated him in dealing with the most difficult and demanding of guests and he thought it couldn't hurt in this unorthodox encounter. _

"_Yeah, you're friends with my roommate Spinelli right?"_

"_Yes, I know him." Marty replied cautiously not sure if admitting to the connection was a beneficial or negative thing. _

"_Well, I need a favor and usually I would go to him but I can't for this. He says you're good with computers." _

_Actually it was more along the lines of, "he has mediocre capabilities at best Stone Cold but his intentions are pure." Jason thought that repeating Spinelli's assessment verbatim might not be the best approach to take. He had more diplomatic skills than most people gave him credit for. Spinelli knew that he was capable of being tactful though. He felt a pang as he thought of the high regard his friend held him in. Jason fervently hoped that it wasn't all irretrievably destroyed by his impulsive actions of the previous evening. ._

"_Spinelli said that?" Marty was visibly preening now, his misgivings of a moment ago all but forgotten. _

"_I only hope you can help me," Jason said further challenging the young man's pride as he bent towards him creating an exclusive and conspiratorial atmosphere for their hushed discussion._

_A few moments later with his business finally completed and when he was ready to renew his quest for Spinelli, Jason was leaving the Metro Court. As he passed the gift shop decked out for the holidays an object in the window caught his eye. He immediately went into the shop and exited not five minutes later with his purchase tucked securely in the pocket of his leather jacket. _

_While he had been in the hotel it had started snowing. Jason lifted his head to look at the falling flakes as he was assaulted by a strong feeling of déjà vu. It had started snowing at this exact time yesterday…"_except_ it hadn't," he told himself. He was becoming increasingly more irritated and frustrated with his mind which couldn't seem to separate the dream from reality. The discord between the two was seriously beginning to disconcert him. _

"_I need to find Spinelli soon," he told himself as a hint of desperation colored his thoughts. Somehow he recognized that everything would stay slightly out of alignment until Spinelli was safely back where he belonged at home with Jason._

_It was several hours later and Jason was still no closer to locating Spinelli. He had gone to both the bus and train stations but once there was unsure how to proceed. For one thing, if Spinelli were intent on leaving town to go somewhere-say back to Tennessee-he would have done so last night or at the latest early this morning. _

_The other confounding issue, one that made Jason feel even worse, if that was even possible, was that he realized he didn't even have a photograph of Spinelli to show the various clerks, workers and bystanders at either location. He didn't have a small one tucked inside his wallet, he didn't have one sitting in his cell phone (not that he even was mindful enough to know if or how his phone took photos), and he certainly didn't have one sitting back on the mantelpiece in the penthouse keeping company with the pictures of Michael, Morgan, and Emily. _

_Once again Jason was made painfully aware of his inadequate ability to show that he indeed cared for and valued Spinelli. A photograph was one of the easiest things to acquire in this digital age. Yet, he simply had never bothered to take one or at the very least request one from Spinelli himself. Though truth be told, Jason strongly suspected that there weren't many more photographs of the Jackal in existence than there had proven to be of his absent mother. He didn't know the reason for the lack of maternal pictures but he suspected that Spinelli never thought himself worthy of the waste of the pixels-or whatever they were-that it would take to "capture his image for posterity" as Jason could envision him phrasing it. _

_In other words, it was all just another example of how Jason's offhand and indifferent treatment of Spinelli managed to reinforce his already damaged ego. He sighed tiredly as he thought of all the missteps he had made in his interactions with the kid and how difficult it would be to repair them. He was determined to try though. _

_He should have long since understood how important Spinelli had become to him but, after the events of the last day, he was no longer willing to live in a Stone Cold-Jackal version of don't ask, don't tell. He was going to inform his roommate, his friend, his brother of exactly how much Jason respected, cared for and needed him. He would even use the l-word if it were necessary to get the point across. _

_Jason also understood, because he knew Spinelli so well, that he wouldn't simply say all these things once and then everything would all magically be settled and never need to be referred to again. Part of Jason's punishment-and that is how he perceived it, he was being punished and rightfully so-would be to have multiple emotional dialogues, full fledged discussions about feelings and actions and consequences. Jason would rather take a hail of bullets for Spinelli than engage in one such painful discussion. Yet, he had already resigned himself to the knowledge that these dreaded conversations would occur as many times as required until Spinelli finally recognized, accepted and, most importantly, felt secure in Jason's regard, trust, and love. _

_After observing firsthand the multitude of gifts that Spinelli had brought to Jason's life he knew that he could never really discharge his debt to him. Still, it was also true, and he was only beginning to dimly discern this concept, that love-real love-wasn't about owing or debts or score cards. No, love wasn't about any of that, love at its most basic was merely the honest effort to do right by the other person. _

_Spinelli did that all the time, with an enviable artlessness that he was entirely unaware of possessing. It wasn't the first time in their acquaintance that Jason had cause to recognize the greater purity and compassion present in Spinelli particularly when contrasted with his own actions. The difference this time was that Jason had finally figured out that he wanted to give back at least some small fraction of what he took. He wanted to be the one who helped Spinelli cope with life and feel better about himself instead of always draining him like an emotional vampire. _

_So, as he wandered around Port Charles trying without success to find Spinelli, he mourned the fact that he didn't even have a picture of this person that was so vital to his past, his present, and-he fervently hoped-his future. It would have saved him trying to describe the indescribable and it would have given him a concrete reminder of what he was fighting for. _

_The bus and train stations had failed to produce any Spinelli sightings. Jason couldn't be bothered with trying the airport, for some reason he just knew Spinelli hadn't gotten on a plane, he actually doubted he had left town at all. He had also checked the Port Charles library as well as every web café and bookstore listed in the phone book._

_Then Jason had methodically called every person he could think of that Spinelli might have contacted or sought shelter with-Sam McCall, Lulu Spencer, Diane Miller, Mike Corbin…the list was longer than Jason had expected. He had to be careful to ask about Spinelli's whereabouts without arousing anyone's suspicions or concerns. He didn't want a full fledged search initiated for Spinelli, at least not yet, for now this was between the two of them. _

_He realized that it was getting late, dusk was starting to descend and the snowfall was becoming increasingly heavier. Jason was beginning to feel frantic, he hadn't anticipated not being able to find Spinelli. He didn't know what he would do if he couldn't locate him soon but he was running out of places to look. _

_He was roused from his dismal thoughts by the sound of an organ and saw that he was in front of Sonny's parish church, Queen of Angels. Light was spilling out from the stained glass windows onto the snow in the forecourt. Jason cold, wet, and despondent was drawn to something in the church. It was irresistible the desire to enter this sacred place on this most holy of evenings. Jason who was usually immune to the call of the spiritual felt he had no choice but to enter. _

_Somehow even the simple act of stepping across the threshold into the welcoming warmth of the nave lightened his burden. A thin nervous looking man who was placing booklets into the pews looked up at Jason's entrance and moved towards him. "I'm sorry sir, the carol service isn't for another half hour and we're still in the process of preparing for it."_

"_I…I just needed someplace to…" he didn't know why he had come into the church he realized, just that he felt compelled to do so._

"_To pray?" The man asked quietly and with understanding. "If you go through those doors," he was pointing to the left side of the church. "There's a little chapel dedicated to Saint Jude. It's quiet there, good for contemplation."_

_Jason nodded his head in awkward thanks and turned in the direction indicated. He found himself in a small room with several rows of wooden pews all facing towards the altar. Above the altar was a dim painting of a balding, bearded man with an axe over one shoulder-Jason supposed this was a representation of the saint himself. To the right of the altar were several wooden tiers covered in small pebbled red glasses each one holding a votive candle, many of which were lit and their flames flickered hypnotically. _

_Jason tentatively walked towards the rows of candles. He knew that each one represented a prayer from a supplicant and while he didn't even know if he believed in any God, never mind a Catholic one, he didn't see how it could hurt to put in a request of his own. He saw there was a plaque attached to the wall above the candles he had to get within a few inches of it to be able to read it in the diffuse light of the chapel. The sign read: Saint Jude, Hope of the Hopeless, Pray for me._

_The irony of that plain statement of hope and misery intertwined took Jason's breath away. It seemed to indicate that he had come to the right place after all. Infinitesimally smaller print on the plaque informed him that a one dollar donation per lit candle was considered the going rate for eradicating hopelessness in the modern world. _

"_Quite a bargain," Jason thought to himself with a grim twist of his lips as he pushed a ten dollar bill into the collection box and lit two candles. _

_One was for finding Spinelli and the other for the elusive peace on Earth that tonight was always supposed to, but never did, deliver. Right about now they each seemed equally futile causes to Jason. He moved to stand in front of the altar where he closed his eyes and bowed his head. He cleared his thoughts of everything-his worry, his fear, his anger at himself and concentrated on only one person-Spinelli. _

_Surprised, because he really didn't think his time in the church would do anything except give him a brief cessation from his heretofore fruitless search, he felt a sense of peace slowly envelope him. After a few minutes he gave himself a mental shake. "This isn't about me," he told himself sternly. "It's about finding Spinelli before it's too late." Too late for what, he didn't quite know. It was just that there was a pervasive sense of urgency in his need to locate him. With newfound resolution he strode briskly towards the chapel exit, walking past the pews on his way out. He was putting out his hand to push open the swinging doors when he stopped in mid-motion. _

_It couldn't be. He hadn't really seen that, had he? Slowly he turned his head, looking down the row of pews nearest him to the left. :_

"_Spinelli!" The shout erupted from his throat distorting the calm and serenity of the small chapel. He was moving down the narrow space between two pews, coming abreast with the recumbent figure lying there, his eyes just flickering open with a dazed expression. "Spinelli," this time it was said as a whisper tinged with awe. "It's really you."_

"_Stone Cold?" He was barely awake. "What are you doing here?" Spinelli sat up slowly, stretching his arms over his head and yawning._

"_I've been looking for you everywhere." Jason stopped and stared up at the picture above the altar, he shook his head in disbelief. "Are you all right?" _

_He sat down next to Spinelli and looked at him searchingly. He reached out for his hands and drew in his breath. The cuts on his palms were red and sore looking. Spinelli drew his hands back out of Jason's grasp and crossed his arms defensively across his chest._

"_I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He was trying to sound defiant. "The Jackal can take care of himself you know."_

"_I know, I know you can. It doesn't mean that I don't worry about you anyway…" Jason tried to placate him, aware that almost anything he said could be interpreted wrongly by Spinelli at this moment. _

"_Stone Cold," he looked at Jason in puzzlement, "Stone Cold was worried about the Jackal?" Spinelli seemed unable to grasp such a concept._

"_What do you think?" Jason said in exasperation. All the fear and concern of the past day was catching up with him and before he could stop himself he was doing exactly what he had pledged not to and once again taking his emotional state out on the last person deserving of it. _

_Abashed, Spinelli immediately cast his eyes down at the floor and mumbled. "The Jackal begs Stone Cold's pardon if he was the cause of usurping his time from more valuable pursuits. Be assured he did so unwittingly."_

"_Spinelli," Jason was furious with himself but he knew he had to keep that sentiment out of his tone because otherwise his roommate would presume it was directed at him. So, taking a deep breath in order to regain his self control, he started speaking in a soft and gentle tone. "You are a 'valuable pursuit', the only one I'm interested in at the moment. Of course I was concerned when you didn't come home last night. I was afraid that something might have happened to you. Mostly though I have been searching for you so I can apologize, tell you how badly I feel about how I behaved last night."_

"_But…" Spinelli was stammering and he had yet to look up at Jason, "but it was the Jack…my fault that everything happened. I shouldn't have wreaked such havoc in our-your abode. I ruined fair Emily's special gift to you and I upset you when you already have enough distractions and it wasn't right for me to be a further encumbrance on you…"_

"_You didn't do anything that terrible but I did. I overreacted and I threw a knife at you Spinelli-when I was drunk! I could have seriously hurt you or even killed you. It was unforgivable!"_

_Spinelli was now looking directly at Jason his green eyes glowing with confusion. "You were upset. You would never intentionally harm the Jackal, he knows that well."_

"_No, you don't get to say what I did was okay Spinelli. It isn't all right for me to get angry or drunk and then take it out on you because you're convenient or because you never hold it against me. I also destroyed all your mother's ornaments and for that I am so so sorry, I know that I can't do anything to make it up to you. I would understand if you hated me for what I did last night." Jason's voice was trembling and his eyes were shiny with unshed tears. _

"_Hate you!" Spinelli was gazing at Jason astounded. "No, I could never hate you Jason. You're my…well, suffice it to say I owe everything to you. You provided me with shelter and so much more. When I cast my eye back on whom the Jackal was upon his arrival in Port Charles and who he is now, the transformation is due almost entirely to your munificence in providing him with guidance and the true hand of friendship."_

_Jason sighed with relief at Spinelli's heart felt response, he now knew that there was a chance he could repair what had gone wrong between them. "I didn't do everything I could have though Spinelli. You give so much of yourself and request so little in return and that's not the way it should be. I don't want it to be like that anymore." He bit his lip as he thought about what he needed to say next. "Spinelli, when I woke up ("which day?" he thought in bemusement) and you weren't there, it made me think-which is something I don't do as often as I should." He gave a crooked grin trying to lighten the mood a little._

_Spinelli just looked at him appraisingly waiting for him to finish. Jason sighed and continued, "It made me think of all the tings you've done for me and all the times you've helped me since you have come into my life. I mean I guess I knew this stuff subconsciously Spinelli but when I started seeing what it all involved, how many people you affected and helped-even saved. I owe you more than I can ever repay."_

"_The Jackal has no idea what deeds Stone Cold is referring to… He has no recollection of these events wherein he performed any heroic acts. He has only ever played the role of tech support for his Master as he has pursued evildoers and rectified grievous wrongs."_

_Jason rubbed his forehead in frustration, Spinelli's low self-esteem was a perennial barrier to his ability to recognize his achievements and his abilities. Jason had sporadically tried to make him see how talented and special he was but with little success and then he had thoroughly undermined all his previous efforts through the debacle that occurred last night._

"_You are more than your cyber skills Spinelli. You are incredibly smart, intuitive, compassionate, you see the best in people, and you don't judge others. I have been so fortunate that you chose me to be your mentor but the truth is that you have guided me. You have helped me in so many ways. I have grown to rely on you and I trust you implicitly. When I thought you might have decided to leave for good after what happened last night…" Jason paused overwhelmed by the bleakness of his experience, the lessons learned that he had sworn to implement. "I realized that I would lose more than a roommate, more than a business associate, more than tech support, I would lose my brother…" _

_There he'd said it. He held his breath waiting for Spinelli's response to his admission, his declaration of how he really felt._

"_Jason," Spinelli was momentarily speechless, a novel condition for him. "I…I am indeed gratified that you would tender such kind albeit exaggerated praise upon the humble head of your acolyte. I too have come to feel a familial bond with you-a blend of fraternal and filial sentiments as it were. I just never," he stopped and swallowed, he didn't want to cry in front of stoic Stone Cold. "Never thought that my feelings would be reciprocated."_

_Jason had been listening to him intently, trying earnestly for once to decode the Spinelli-speak instead of letting it just wash over him with only a vague comprehension of the overall sense of the speech. He smiled slightly when he heard Spinelli tell him that he viewed him as a mixture of a father and a brother, somehow that felt just right to Jason._

"_I know that's my fault for not making my feelings clear. Last night, I was so terrible to you that you probably thought I didn't care at all. I should have stopped you from leaving and told you all this then. I was drunk and not thinking straight and it's no excuse. Spinelli, I know I have no right to ask after what happened but do you think you could possibly…I mean not now of course but maybe someday…forgive me?"_

_Jason was openly crying now, he reached up with the palm of his hand and swiped ineffectually at the tears which continued falling. "I shouldn't have asked. It's too soon. I am just happy that you're willing to speak to me that everything isn't ruined. The other can wait, until some other time when you're ready."_

_Spinelli's eyes were registering some emotion that Jason couldn't quite define. "I can't forgive you Stone Cold."_

_Jason's heart plummeted at the unexpected words. "Really though," he told himself, trying to be reasonable and understanding, "Spinelli has to have his limits too. What I did was indefensible." _

_Still, he couldn't quell the rising ache that was threatening to consume him at the idea of losing Spinelli's regard and trust. He started to speak but he didn't know what he was going to say. He just wanted Spinelli to know that he could accept it if he couldn't forgive him. _

_Before he could say anything though, Spinelli continued on, "I can't forgive you because there isn't anything to forgive. I know that last night was…unfortunate. We each said and did things that we now regret but that happens in all relationships. It's actually a sign of closeness when people have such an opportunity as to view one another's personal demons. You have often seen the Jackal's myriad shortcomings and failings. Yet, you seldom have made him feel the lesser for them. Why would he then when exposed to an aberration in behavior on his Master's part be any less generous in his understanding?"_

_Jason looked at Spinelli in astonishment, "I wrecked the tree, I smashed the decorations, I threw a knife at you. I don't just get a pass for doing all that Spinelli, just because I felt sorry for myself and was drunk."_

"_I think we both know that it was more than a simple case of self pity Jason. You were struggling with the loss of your family-your son. The fact that you can never acknowledge him, never watch him grow, never teach him all the things you have to offer a child. You snapped under an intolerable burden-a lesser man would have done it sooner and gone further."_

"_Oh, so it's okay to take it out on my other family, my other son?" The last word sounded odd but totally right at the same time. Still, he couldn't allow Spinelli to let him off so easily, not when he wasn't even done castigating himself. _

_Spinelli hadn't missed his newly granted filial status either and as much as it gratified him, he had to focus on finding the right words to help Jason. "Yes, if that's what it takes, then yes. Families are unwieldy, ungainly entities and frequently dysfunctional. Yet, when someone in a family is in distress or suffering and they lash out it is up to the others to ground them and to help them come to terms with the situation. I would gladly take that role a thousand times over to help Stone Cold deal with what is unquestionably a most daunting and emotionally stressful time in his life."_

_Jason didn't know what else to do, what else to say in the face of Spinelli's adamant refusal to see him as anyone but a person who under the effects of a terrible compulsion had struck out in pain at the one nearest to him. He wanted his condemnation followed by his pardon and had instead received his full understanding and compassion. It was like trying to fight the snow outside, a force greater than he could contend against._

_Still, even if Jason could manage to somehow internally resolve and put to rest his own behavior the previous night-it might just be theoretically possible to accept throwing the knife, demolishing the tree, and letting Spinelli leave. Yet, the one thing he knew he couldn't get past was obliterating the Christmas ornaments, Spinelli's only tangible link to his mother._

_Hesitantly, Jason brought up that painful memory, "What about the ornaments, Spinelli, how can you simply forgive my destruction of those irreplaceable connections to your Mother?"_

_Spinelli looked down at the floor once more as he struggled to answer Jason. His response when it came was emotional and transparently honest. "Last night, at first, I was blazingly angry at you Jason. It's why I had to vacate the penthouse so that I didn't do or say anything that might not be retractable at a later date. I have had almost twenty-four hours to reflect upon what transpired and have since reached the obvious conclusion. The ornaments," and now he gazed at Jason with a small wistful smile on his lips. "They were of sentimental value and indeed beautiful which alone makes them intrinsically worthwhile. Yet, no matter what they are still just objects, only things-they aren't my Mother, just something I built up in my head as a representation of her. She can't have even cared for them that much as she left both of us behind-them and me." A ragged sob caught in his throat as he continued. "The Jackal must have displeased her very much. Perhaps he was found unworthy of being loved…"_

_Tears were streaming unchecked down his face as he looked at Jason forlornly, he radiated absolute misery. Jason without thinking pulled Spinelli towards him and folded his arms around him with his chin resting on top of his brother's head. He held him wrapped in his protective and fierce embrace, angry beyond words at the unknown woman who could have been so unforgivably cruel to his boy. He just rocked Spinelli, at first not saying anything, not trusting that what might come out of his mouth would only make things worse._

_After a few minutes, Spinelli seemed quieter but he made no move to detach himself from Jason. Jason also felt more composed and he understood that he had to try and reach him, to somehow make this long festering abandonment better for him. _

"_Spinelli I can't pretend to know why your Mother left you. I do know that it wasn't in any way your fault. A child depends on others, he's entirely innocent and shouldn't be held responsible for the wrong decisions that adults sometimes make. I can't imagine ever wanting to leave you-with those eyes and that smile and all this hair." Jason pushed back and looked down at Spinelli who stared up with his tear streaked face as he absorbed every word. He grinned down at him, "You must have been a pretty cute kid-if only you had held onto that!"_

"_Stone Cold!" Jason was relieved to hear the return of a protesting whine to his brother's tone._

"_Maybe she was too young, or felt overwhelmed, or was ill or any of a million other reasons," he continued, once more serious as he gazed directly into Spinelli's eyes. "You have to try and make peace with the idea that you may never know. Whatever the reason though, it's on her _not_ you. You didn't do anything wrong Spinelli. You couldn't possibly, even if you tried," Jason gave a sharp nod of emphasis, never once breaking eye contact. "Anyway," he continued feeling his way cautiously. "It's her loss, not getting to know what a remarkable and amazing son she had; missing out on the chance to see you grow into a man that any parent would be proud to claim."_

_Spinelli was actually squirming, trying to get out of Jason's embrace. He wouldn't meet Jason's eyes any longer and he knew the reason why. Spinelli couldn't stand to hear himself so straightforwardly praised. He was always more than ready to believe and accept any criticism directed his way but (with the exception of his cyber skills) he was unable to hear his virtues extolled without interpreting it as either a cruel hoax or a case of unearned approbation._

_Jason declined to let him go. "Spinelli," he said sharply, "look at me!" At first he refused to comply, steadfastly looking down or to the side, anywhere but at Jason. Yet, Jason patiently waited him out and finally, with a sigh of resignation, he gave him a sidelong glance. It was enough Jason grabbed his chin and tilted his head up forcing him to make eye contact. _

"_Any parent would be proud to claim you." He reiterated firmly. "What your Mother lost in not getting to know you was my gain. I doubt very much that you would have ever come to Port Charles if she had stayed in your life. I can't visualize my life without you Spinelli, I really can't. You've done so much for me, you don't even know…" _

_He smiled wryly at the bewildered young man who for the second time that night had failed to comprehend what specifically he had done for Jason that was so priceless. Someday Jason knew he would spell it out for him but tonight was about something different, about cementing their bond. _

"_I am so honored that you chose me to be in your life. I didn't appreciate it at first but now I know how lucky, how truly blessed I am. I love you very much and I need you to know that." Jason had finally stated the crux of the matter, he sensed anything else he would try to say would be anticlimactic._

_Spinelli sat in stunned silence. All his senses were on overload as he tried to analyze everything Jason had done and said ever since he had stumbled across him in the chapel. In the course of one short day he had gone from being convinced that he would be thrown bag and baggage out of the only true home he had ever known or desired to a place where he was being assured that he was indeed loved and wanted by the one person he respected and admired above all others. He knew that he would still have to grapple with the questions and uncertainties that always confounded his existence. Still, this seemed the closest thing to a miracle that Spinelli could ever hope to experience. Well, he knew the appropriate response to a miracle._

"_Jason," he had finally found his voice though it seemed he could only emit a choked whisper. "I don't, I don't…I love you too." The overwhelming simplicity and power of those three small words never ceased to inspire awe._

_Jason let out his breath in a relieved sigh. It was going to be all right. He had Spinelli back. He never wanted to come this close to losing him again. _

_He reached over and ruffled Spinelli's hair, "Good thing it's mutual then. It's hard enough for guys to talk about this stuff, just think how awkward it would have been if you had just left me hanging…" _

_He was kidding but Spinelli could hear the remnants of the underlying fear that perhaps he would have been left with his declaration unreciprocated or even unrecognized. He was taken a back, he had never suspected that Stone Cold had struggles with any of the same insecurities that plagued the Jackal. _

_He supposed it was common to all human beings the need to be loved and wanted. Yet, because of the pain that accompanied rejection everyone as they grew older found various ways to cover their yearning for love and affection. Spinelli had mistaken Jason's stoic self-sufficiency for a statement that he didn't require companionship on his life's journey. It seemed that he had been in error and not only that but the cohort he had chosen was the Jackal himself. _

_Shyly he said, "It's Christmas Eve, Jason. Perhaps we ought to return home (now there was a word he could get used to saying!) and clean up the disorder in the penthouse. Unless of course Stone Cold has already tended to it, the Jackal knows how much his Master deplores clutter and mess."_

"_No, I didn't get to it. I was focused on finding you." He couldn't possibly tell Spinelli how happy he was to see both the disaster areas that were his bedroom and the living room this morning. He would think his roommate had gone crazy if he did._

"_It's getting late though and I think we should head home." Jason stood up and reached a hand down for Spinelli who swayed a little as he gained his feet. "Did you eat anything at all today?" He asked him suspiciously._

"_Did you Stone Cold?" Spinelli replied with unexpected asperity._

"_Fair enough," Jason grinned at him affectionately. "Home it is then and we'll see what's in the kitchen. It's going to be a proper meal though-vegetables and all."_

"_Stone Cold," Spinelli groaned following him out into the main church, "It's Christmas, take pity on your poor grasshopper!" _

_They both stopped short, since Jason had come in the pews had gone from being empty to being almost entirely occupied. The man Jason had encountered on his arrival noticed them coming out of the side chapel. He walked towards them, giving Spinelli an appraising glance as though he didn't quite understand where he had appeared from. "Here are the carol booklets for the service," he said trying to hand them to Jason._

"_Uh, thanks but we weren't intending to stay. We need to get back home."_

"_Please, Stone Cold, can we stay? My granny used to take me to the carol services every Christmas Eve. It's one of my favorite memories…" He looked up at Jason like an eager puppy._

"_Looks like we'll be joining in after all," he said receiving the booklets from the man who then guided them to a pew where they could squeeze into the end._

_Almost immediately the organ started up and the congregation began on the first carol of the service "O Come All Ye Faithful." Jason wasn't intending to do much more than lip sync the words but before he could even start doing that he was stopped by the remarkable sounds coming from his left. He gaped as he turned towards Spinelli entirely astounded. He had no idea that the young man could sing like that! All around him, people were stopping and faltering, simply content to listen as Spinelli's voice soared and joined flawlessly with the choir. Spinelli was oblivious to all the attention he was garnering. His concentration was entirely on the music. Tears once again sprang to Jason's eyes as he closed them and let the music and Spinelli's voice transport him to a realm of pure bright emotion where nothing dark lingered. _


	4. Christmas Eve II

__

**_A/N: I have no rights or affiliation with the characters presented within this piece_**

_The Ripple Effect_

_Chapter 4: Christmas Eve II_

_It was about an hour later when they returned from the carol service to the penthouse. Jason's mind was still reeling with the revelation of Spinelli's amazing singing ability. He wondered how many more hidden talents he had and thought that it would be an interesting journey of discovery to find out. He hadn't commented on it because he knew that Spinelli would just get embarrassed or say something disparaging. It was clear he had obviously greatly enjoyed himself and Jason didn't want to do anything to ruin the effect. _

_His mind was so preoccupied with dwelling on what had occurred over the last several hours that when he flipped the light switch by the door he was just as startled as Spinelli by the roar of "Surprise!" which emanated from the large group of people gathered in the living room of the penthouse. "What the…" he was almost disgruntled about the intrusion. Then he remembered what he had requested Carly to do. "Well," he thought to himself dryly, "she certainly delivered!"_

_Spinelli was just standing there stupefied as he gazed around the room. It would appear that practically every person he had gotten to know during his residence in Port Charles was standing in Stone Cold's living room. He had no idea why, until it hit him after glancing at the bemused expression on Jason's face. _

"_It's a surprise party for Stone Cold!" he thought to himself happy that for once Jason would be acknowledged in a way he deserved. _

"_Well, aren't you going to greet your guests, Stone Cold," he urged him. Spinelli knew that between the two of them, he was the one that possessed a better sense of etiquette._

"_My guests?" Jason looked at him in puzzlement. "They're not here for me Spinelli." _

"_Then why? It's Christmas Eve a time to be spent with family and friends."_

"_Exactly," Jason began, trying to get through to his boneheaded brother. _

_Fortunately he didn't need to continue and run the risk of undoing all the progress he had achieved earlier. Maxie was heading across the room towards them and she flung her arms around Spinelli in a bone crushing hug that was nothing short of amazing coming from someone so tiny and fragile looking._

"_Spinelli!" she cried excitedly, "He found you! Jason found you!"_

"_The uh Jackal was uh unaware he uh was missing…" he was happy to see his Maximista but could barely breathe entwined as he was in the coils of a small boa constrictor. _

"_Let him go, Maxie, he's turning blue!" Lulu Spencer had come up to join them and Spinelli gave her a grateful glance for rescuing him._

_Glaring resentfully at Lulu, Maxie gave Spinelli one final industrial strength hug before releasing him and stepping back. Spinelli stood there gasping for air, spots had actually started to appear across his vision. _

_Jason gave one last glance at Spinelli and his friends before heading across the room to Carly who was standing by the fireplace. He tapped her on the shoulder and when she turned he enclosed her in a hug of his own. "Thank you," he whispered into her ear, more grateful than he had words to communicate._

"_Is it what you wanted?" She stepped back and looked up at him anxiously._

"_It's perfect," he assured her as he looked around the living room. _

_Indeed all of Carly's expert interior decorating skills were on full display. Dominating the room was a large fresh Christmas tree strung with lights but no ornaments. There were garlands of evergreens draped across the mantel and rimming the French doors, white lights twinkled decorously from all the greenery. Centerpieces with candles were situated on the desk, the coffee table, even the pool table. Spinelli's I-pod had once more been commandeered and was quietly playing carols as background music. A long table covered with a white cloth was set up against one wall. Sitting on it was a complete buffet of holiday foodstuffs-ham, turkey, stuffing, pies and cookies, while a large punch bowl held pride of place in the table's center._

_Jason knew that he couldn't have done a tenth of what Carly had accomplished in one short afternoon. He looked back at her, his admiration clearly showing in his eyes. He watched in wonder as a slow moving flush started moving up her cheeks eventually coloring her entire face. "Carly, you're blushing!" he was laughing at her._

"_Jason, you're laughing!" she retorted trying to act offended but she couldn't pull it off because she was too happy that she had pleased him. "Listen mister, before you find this all too amusing. This," she gestured around the room, "All of this, it's your Christmas present and not just for this year." She reflected for a moment before continuing, "I think it should cover this Christmas and the next four. The things I had to do, the people I had to make nice to. You have _no_ idea, Jason!" She rolled her eyes at him, "What I agree to do for you…"_

"_Deal," Jason said once again startling her by pulling her into another hug, "You did good Carly," he said softly. _

_This time when he let her go, he started to look around the room for signs of the catastrophe that had occurred the night before. The only reminder seemed to be the gouge in the wall where the knife had been embedded. The sight of it sobered Jason as he winced and once again thought how he could have injured or killed Spinelli. Even now he had no idea how he could have been so casually callous. He shivered at the memory, determined never to allow himself to do anything remotely like that again._

"_Jason," it was Carly standing at his shoulder as she followed his stare to the scarred wall. "What happened here?" She had been intensely curious and concerned all afternoon long as she had worked to pull the party together._

"_How did you get everything cleaned up? Jason asked her, deliberately ignoring her question._

_Carly sighed, she knew him well enough to understand his non-answer as all the response she would ever get. "I didn't," she said frankly, "You can't get burn marks out of a carpet and was that resin? Anyway, you'll have to replace the carpet, for now I just put down some throw rugs."_

_Jason looked down and realized that was indeed what Carly had done. He made a mental resolution to replace the carpet someday when Spinelli was out. He knew how guilty he would feel if he saw that the damage was still there, he would want to pay for it or even offer to do the work himself. Either option was unacceptable to Jason who felt that the onus for the whole situation was squarely on him. Besides the thought of Spinelli trying to lay carpet caused him to shudder as he thought of cut fingers and uneven edging._

"_Jason," Carly was nudging him gently, trying to bring him back from whatever place he had mentally wandered to. "I couldn't do anything about the wall. You'll have to patch the drywall and then match the paint."_

"_I think," he replied slowly, considering. "I might just leave it as a reminder…"_

"_A reminder of what?" she was dying to ask but knew better._

_Suddenly, their attention was called to the center of the room where Diane Miller was standing with a champagne glass that she was tapping with a knife. "Everyone," she spoke in her crystal clear voice that was a match to the goblet in her hand, "Now that the guest of honor has arrived, I thought we might begin."_

_Everyone present turned to look at Spinelli who was looking expectantly at Jason. It took a moment for it to register that everyone was staring at him instead and an expression of intense confusion came over his face. "This gathering, this convocation is for the Jackal?" He couldn't seem to accept what was literally staring him in the face as multiple pairs of eyes focused only on him._

"_Exactly Mr. Grasshopper," Diane said to him in her crisp manner. "Carly called all us and asked us to come this evening. It seems that Jason told her that you were in trouble and needed all the support and caring of your friends and so here we are." She motioned at the occupants in the room, each one of whom was smiling at Spinelli._

_Spinelli knew it was incumbent on him to make a speech in order to acknowledge the generosity of all who had come to Jason's for him. "The Jackal is quite overcome. He has never before been the recipient of a surprise celebration. He feels honored indeed to be the beneficiary of such an enterprise. It is particularly remarkable to see so many present on this particular night when he is sure that all the participants had more pressing matters to attend to. Many grateful and humble thanks."_

_Everyone clapped spontaneously as he finished his speech. Diane again spoke, "Mr. Grasshopper we were each instructed to bring a very particular item to this shindig. So, to get the formal ceremony out of the way I suggest that I begin." Without further ado, she picked up a small white box from the coffee table and handed it to Spinelli._

_Curiously, he opened it and gasped. Inside, lying on a bed of white velvet was a miniature crystal grasshopper. He looked up at Diane in delighted wonder. She laughed at his expression, "I bought it on a trip to Germany and was always planning to give it to you this Christmas, this party was just the right occasion."_

"_Thank you, tender hearted lady of justice," he said modifying his usual nickname for her. He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "Will you kindly help me find a prominent and appropriate spot on the tree for the crystalline arthropod?"_

"_My pleasure," Diane said as she put down her champagne glass and moved towards the tree. After they hung the ornament, she turned and asked, "Who wants to go next?"_

"_I do," it was Claudia Zacchara Corinthos. _

_Spinelli hadn't even noticed her, she had been standing off in a corner, feeling awkward and out of place at this gathering where she could only count Johnny and Spinelli as friendly faces. Claudia had been astonished to receive a phone call from Carly that afternoon but when she had understood that there was to be a party to honor Spinelli she had said she would be there. Sonny had groused at her for going out on Christmas Eve but she wasn't sure that it was more a case of his being disgruntled that he was being left out of the loop. Still, no one in their right minds would invite Sonny Corinthos to an event being held for Damian Spinelli or vice versa for that matter._

_Claudia pulled a tissue wrapped object out of her purse and handed it to Spinelli. "Merry Christmas, Spinelli," she said as she kissed him on his cheek leaving a dark red smear of lipstick. Maxie was glaring daggers at her she noticed with satisfaction. _

_Spinelli pulled back the tissue paper to reveal a hand blown glass ornament. It was a beautiful red fox with a detailed and expressive face and even the tip of the tail was painted black. Spinelli looked at Claudia and grinned happily. "Vixenella!" He exclaimed. "It tis entirely appropriate, the Jackal is most impressed with your resourcefulness."_

"_I was too," Claudia told him thrilled that he liked it. "I just happened to find it this afternoon, in a little store that was just getting ready to close. I had to beg the owner to let me in and look around. I was so lucky to find it."_

"_Serendipitous indeed," Spinelli agreed as he escorted her over to the tree to hang the little fox not far from Diane's grasshopper. _

_Once he was done, he turned back to the room at large. "The Jackal is beginning to get into the spirit of things. He is starting to perceive a theme pervading the evening." He looked over at Jason with a raised eyebrow but he just stared back at Spinelli expressionlessly as though nothing going on had anything to do with him. Spinelli nodded his head as though to say, "I'll deal with you later." _

"_Spinelli," It was Robin Scorpio and Patrick Drake. Their baby daughter Emma was sleeping on the couch in her car seat. "We wanted to give you a symbol of what we are so grateful for this Christmas." Robin handed him another small box. _

_Spinelli opened it and as soon as he saw what it contained he smiled broadly. He pulled out a fabric picture frame with a photo of Emma inserted in it. "Thank you," he said genuinely touched at the gesture. _

_He understood that it meant that he was considered to be part of the circle of people that Robin and Patrick felt represented Emma's extended family. He also knew instinctively that Robin also intended to include Jason in the gift and he glanced over at his mentor to see if he had caught the significance of the gesture. Jason had abruptly turned and left the room heading for the kitchen. Spinelli was satisfied, he knew that Jason was close to tears and he had left to hide that fact from everyone. _

"_We consider you an honorary uncle to Emma," Patrick told him._

"_I will endeavor to be worthy of that estimable honor in all ways that are in my power to discharge." He replied to them gravely._

"_Babysitting comes to mind," Robin said with a light laugh._

"_Better him than me!" Maxie quipped._

"_The Jackal will undertake the mission of sharing all things baby related with Maximista. By the time his task is completed she will be worthy of hire as a nanny." _

"_Baby drool and designer fashions are a bad mix," she rejoined with spirit._

"_The Jackal will work his wiles upon her all in good time," he stage whispered to Patrick and Robin. Then he led them to the tree where they found a perfect spot for the pictorial baby Emma to oversee everything that was happening within the room while the three dimensional version slept on unaware of all the fuss. _

_Next up was Lulu attended by Johnny Zacchara. "I found this and it made me think of you…" Lulu handed him an unwrapped figure of a male deer. "Do you know the significance of the stag?" She quizzed him sure that he did. After all, whenever didn't Spinelli know some obscure piece of information?_

"_Purity?" he queried, wondering if he had picked the one she had in mind._

"_Got it in one!" She said clapping her hands in delight. "I told Johnny you would figure it out."_

"_It is a beautiful and delicate piece but I don't comprehend the allusion that fair Lulu is making."_

"_You Spinelli," Lulu smiled at him, "You have the purest soul of anyone I know."_

_Suddenly Maxie was at Spinelli's elbow, she stood there fuming and shooting disapproving looks at Lulu. "What do you know about his soul anyway?" She asked in a dangerously low tone of voice that was just begging for Lulu to say something, anything at all. "Then I'll show her some soul ass kicking!" Maxie thought heatedly, realizing somewhat sheepishly that what she had just said to herself made absolutely no sense. _

_Johnny spoke quickly, trying to diffuse the situation. "I didn't get you an ornament Spinelli but my boss let me have the tree for free."_

"_A lovely example of seasonal foliage it is," Spinelli said darting nervous glances at the two blondes. "Perhaps you would like to accompany the Jackal over to choose a location for fair Lulu's Christmas offering?"_

_Johnny didn't have to be asked twice. "Absolutely, great idea." _

_The two men moved away slowly afraid that any sudden movements on their part might precipitate a more physical altercation between Lulu and Maxie. When they felt that there was a safe enough buffer space between them and the imminent outbreak of warfare they breathed simultaneous sighs of relief. _

_Sam McCall had observed the tension that was evident between the two blondes standing in the middle of the living room oblivious to everything except each other. She walked over to Maxie and whispered in her ear. "I'm sure whatever ornament you got Spinelli will be far more valued by him than anything Lulu gave him."_

_Maxie turned to look at Sam as she considered what she had intimated. A sly smile crossed her face as she looked over at a defiant Lulu. She nodded her head in agreement with Sam as she glanced speculatively at Spinelli. Sam was right she could win this battle and prove her superior claim on Spinelli all without pulling one hair out of her roommate's bleached blonde scalp. _

"_Nice ornament Lulu," she said switching tactics as she smiled sweetly at her sometimes ally and full time rival. "Purity, that's true, Spinelli radiates purity." With that she turned on her heel and headed towards the tree leaving in her wake a very confused and suspicious Lulu._

"_Spinelli," Maxie said almost purring in her confidence, assured of her victory over Lulu. "Open mine next." She handed him yet another box._

_Spinelli flicked a glance at Johnny who was looking with trepidation at Lulu standing glowering right where Maxie had left her. Sighing, he decided to do the manful thing and accepted the out thrust box from Maxie. "Many grateful thanks," he began automatically feeling the stress of the last several days start to creep up on him. His eyes widened when he saw what lay within the box and he looked at Maxie his entire face a question mark. _

"_Maximista, your heart…I...I mean," he stammered, unsure what exactly to say, "a crystal heart. The Jackal is beyond privileged. He will indeed treasure it and care for it with the same vigilance that he would bestow upon the actual organ were it ever to be entrusted to his custody." _

_Spinelli looked down at the beautiful little crystalline object unsure if he was embodying it with more or less significance than it deserved. He earnestly searched Maxie's face trying to discern a clue as to what she might be indicating with her gift._

"_Don't you know, Spinelli," she murmured in his ear as she pulled his head down and kissed him fully and completely on the lips. "You already possess it. You have for quite a while now." With a flounce and a smirk in Lulu's direction she was gone, headed for the buffet table. Winning always made her ravenous._

_Spinelli just stood there looking dazed and unsure as to what had just happened. Sam appeared next to him and took the box out of his unresisting hand. "How about I help you hang this on the tree Spinelli." Suiting her action to her words she placed it in a location where the lights hit it in such a way that it sparkled and glowed, catching Spinelli's eye and mesmerizing him. _

_Sam couldn't help smiling at the expression on his face, he looked shell-shocked. "Here is mine," she said hoping to jolt him back to reality. She held up a tiny little laptop computer. "I couldn't resist when I saw this. I would've have gotten it for you, party or no."_

_Spinelli looked at the tiny facsimile of his most prized possession as tears sprang to his eyes. He couldn't believe that all these people had not only shown up to a party for him on what seemed to be extremely short notice but to have brought gifts as well. He knew that Carly had organized the party but that it was Jason who had instigated it. Spinelli understood that the ornament theme was his way of apologizing for what he had done the previous night. _

_He felt overwhelmed. He had never before been the center of attention in such a positive sense. Spinelli wasn't equipped to handle so much undiluted kindness, he had no idea why all these people were being so thoughtful, so considerate. He was beyond astounded at the careful thought that had gone into each object set before him this evening. These decorations were even more precious to him than his Mother's had been because they had been chosen specifically for him. He would treasure each and every one forever…_

"_The Jackal is eternally grateful to the Goddess for her thoughtfulness." He turned to the tree pretending to look for just the right place to hang the little laptop while he surreptitiously wiped at the tell tale tears coursing down his cheeks. Sam looked away tactfully until he was more in control of himself. _

_When he turned back to her, she hugged him tightly and said, "You deserve every single thing that is happening tonight and I won't let anyone else tell you differently. Not even if that someone is you…" Spinelli didn't think he had ever received so many kisses before as he had bestowed upon him in this one short space of time._

"_Spinelli, I think it's my turn now." The voice was familiar_

_Spinelli looked over Sam's shoulder and saw Mike Corbin standing there smiling at him. "Mister Sir's most esteemed father is cordially welcomed to this impromptu soiree." He replied pleased to see him. "Is the bountiful repast under which yonder table is groaning due to your good auspices?"_

"_Yeah, Carly asked me to cater the food tonight. She also mentioned bringing an ornament and surprisingly I already had something on hand. I ordered it from a catalogue earlier this fall. It seemed just the thing for a certain young man of my acquaintance." With a flourish, Mike held out his decoration, dangling it from his hand so that Spinelli could get a good look at it._

_Spinelli and Sam both laughed as they realized what it was. "That's perfect Mike," Sam said as she giggled in approval._

_Spinelli reached out to take the tiny bottle of orange soda from Mike and perused the tree for a fitting spot to hang a miniature duplicate of the true nectar of the gods. "Now all the Jackal requires is a replica of a bag of a barbecued potato chips and he can happily expire."_

"_I'm fresh out son, looks like you'll have to stay with us a while longer." Mike was gratified that Spinelli had liked his choice. He had been worried that it might have appeared silly when compared against all the fancier and more symbolic ornaments that had been presented to him tonight._

"_Hey, Spinelli," Carly had come over accompanied by Morgan and Jax. "It looks like most everyone has given you their decorations and so we thought it was time to give you our gift." She nudged Morgan towards Spinelli. "Go ahead and give the box to Spinelli, sweetie."_

_Morgan held up a box to Spinelli, it was much larger than any of the other boxes he had received this evening. "I helped Momma pick it out. It's from Mom and me and Michael. Open it!"_

_Spinelli did as commanded. He removed the lid and pulled out an angel. It was simple and abstract made from a framework of silver wires that merely outlined the shape of a winged form blowing a trumpet. It breathed elegance and sophistication and Spinelli handled it with reverence. _

"_It's exquisite, the Jackal and Stone Cold will be sure to cherish and care for it. Thank you Morgan. You, your Mother, and Michael all have excellent taste." Spinelli bent down and ruffled Morgan's hair eliciting a smile from the often serious little boy. "Would you like to help me put it on the tree?" He asked him._

_Morgan nodded shyly and he and Spinelli went off hand in hand in search of a step ladder. When they returned everyone was crowded around the tree, chatting and looking at the ornaments while they waited for the angel to be put in place and complete the decorating portion of the evening. _

_Spinelli stood on the step ladder and held the sturdy little boy as he put the angel on the top of the tree. It was a little crooked but Spinelli didn't touch it. Instead he stepped off the ladder still holding Morgan and pointed to the angel. "Look, you did that, it finishes the tree, the angel is always the last thing to go up."_

"_Not tonight," it was Jason. He had come up behind them. "There's one more…" He held a tissue wrapped shape out to Spinelli who unwrapped it. He was struck silent by what was revealed._

_A full minute passed where no one said anything and all eyes, including the concerned ones of Jason, were centered on Spinelli's bowed head. Finally, he looked up, seeing only Jason, "Stone Cold, how…where…." He shook his head in wonder as he again stared down at the colorful object held in his hand. It was almost identical to the multihued stained glass ornament that had been crushed the evening before. It was the same shape and glowed with similar gem tone colors. "Thank you," he said quietly, "the Jackal lacks the knowledge of how to show his appreciation."_

_Jason stepped towards him and said into his ear, "You don't need to show 'appreciation', this and much more was owed to you. I was only glad that I could replace at least one small part of what was destroyed."_

"_Would you find a place for it on the tree, Jason?" Spinelli handed the prized decoration to his mentor, trying to communicate by his request that Jason had indeed earned the forgiveness he had so ardently sought. _

_Jason nodded at him and with a slight smile carried the ornament over to the Christmas tree. Jax, sensing the undercurrents that had passed between the two men, tried to redirect Spinelli's attention. _

"_It's not an ornament Spinelli, but I hope you like it." Jax held out the only gift wrapped package Spinelli had received all evening. Curious as to what Jax might have possibly brought him, Spinelli tore the paper off and upon realizing what he was holding, immediately tried to hand it back to Jax. _

"_You don't want it then?" Jax's lips quirked in a smile as he refused to take back his gift. _

"_Want it!" Spinelli squeaked as though he were short of breath. "The Jackal has seldom felt the pulse of avarice race through his bloodstream as heatedly as it does at this moment. It is simply that he cannot accept it. It is too precious and costly a boon for one as unworthy as I."_

"_Well, Spinelli," Jax drawled enjoying the effect his gift was having on the young man. "It seems that you aren't only insulting yourself by saying that you don't deserve my gift to you. You're also impugning me by implying that I should know better then to have bought this for you. In other words, you're in danger of hurting my feelings and on Christmas Eve too…" Jax's speech was accompanied by his assuming a sad expression of rejection that was entirely belied by the twinkle in his eyes. _

_Spinelli was still holding the item out towards Jax who was steadfastly ignoring it while he kept his eyes trained on the boy's face, quietly delighting in his discomfiture. Flustered by Jax's statement, Spinelli didn't know how to respond. "The Jackal intended no offense towards the White Knight. He simply meant to say that he has never, not ever, been in possession or even thought to be in a position to be in possession of…" Even Spinelli was getting confused at his own verbal convolutions._

"_Spinelli," Jax tried to reason with him. "Look around this room." Spinelli complied, a perplexed expression on his face. "Do you see one person here besides you and I that would even care to receive this?"_

"_Uh, perhaps the tender hearted lady of justice," he suggested tentatively. He hated the thought of losing what Jax had presented him with, but he was still unconvinced that he could really deserve the custody of such a magnificent treasure._

"_Diane," Jax turned towards her urbanely, "Are you at all interested in the peregrinations of one Percy Bysshe Shelley around nineteenth century Europe?" He looked at her with an aspect of gentle inquiry upon his visage._

"_Um, were there any shoe stores involved?" she responded weakly not exactly sure how or why she had been roped into this argument. _

"_Shoe stores!" Spinelli howled indignantly, clutching the object-the book-to his chest protectively. "It most certainly _cannot_ be handed over to a Philistine such as her!" He turned to Jax in appeal, petrified that he might be forced to give the book back or worse yet, give it to Diane. "What had the Jackal been thinking?" he moaned inwardly. If only he had just accepted the gift graciously in the spirit it had been tendered._

"_Your suggestion, Spinelli," Jax said implacably. "I'm not taking it back. So, it either goes to someone else here or you keep it."_

"_The Jackal will reverse his position and eagerly accept the book in the spirit it was given-from one poetry aficionado to another. Jax," his eyes were shining with elation as he smiled in a way that few people ever saw, "I will take most excellent care of it. I will keep it away from light or heat sources, I will never touch it without wearing gloves, I'll…"_

"_You'll give it back right now!" Jax said glaring at him, holding his hand out and wagging his fingers impatiently, "C'mon, give it here!"_

"_Why, what did the Jackal do or say to inspire your wrath?" Spinelli was in terrible distress, he felt like crying. _

_Jason uttered a low growl and stepped forward preparatory to making sure that Spinelli got to keep his book even if it meant decking Jax one. He thought he might even enjoy that part. He had seen the joy on Spinelli's face when he had decided to take Jax's gift after all. He had no idea what the book was and he was surprisingly jealous of the communion that Jax and Spinelli seemed to share. Still, if a stupid book was that important to his brother then Jasper Jax just better be prepared to back off. _

_Neither man even noticed Jason's approach. They were intent on their verbal duel. "It's a book Spinelli and I gave it to you. I didn't donate it to a museum. It's meant to be read and appreciated and touched. If you can't bring yourself to treat it that way then give it back and I'll find somebody that will." Jax was deadly serious and his eyes were no longer tinged with amusement._

_Spinelli swallowed and backed up a few paces, the book still pressed against his chest. "If the Jackal suggests a compromise, will the White Knight see his way clear to letting him retain the sacred object?"_

"_What compromise?" Jax was beginning to relax a little, he hadn't meant to stress the kid out so badly. _

"_The Jackal will treat the book as a book but with some differences as to how he usually handles his reading materials. He won't eat or drink in the vicinity of it, he won't dog ear the pages or read while bathing or brushing his teeth or…"_

_Jax held up his hand to stop the flow of information about the myriad ways in which Spinelli could destroy a book. Laughing now, he said, "That sounds fair. You'll be careful not to damage it but you won't wrap in the book equivalent of cotton wool either. I can live with that."_

_Spinelli let out a sigh of relief. He looked over at Jason and held up the book. "Stone Cold, did you see it? Did you see what the White Knight got me?"_

_Jason felt vaguely thwarted that he hadn't had to rescue Spinelli from Jax. Or maybe it was that he really just wanted for once to wipe the self satisfied smirk from Jax's face. Still, he was happy for Spinelli and he walked over to him as several other people also crowded around him to see what all the fuss had been about. _

"_It's a first edition of a book edited by Mary Shelley, she who authored the classic 'Frankenstein'. Percy Shelley was her husband and in the 1820's they traveled through Italy and other parts of Europe. After he died at a tragically young age, she put together this book of the epistles he had written on that journey." Spinelli stopped to take a breath while his listener's eyes glazed over. Only Jax seemed truly interested in what he was saying. "This book, this actual book was published almost 170 years ago." The reverence and awe in Spinelli's voice communicated itself to his audience and they looked at the book with a little more interest as some individual members of the group thought what it might be worth._

"_Maybe a pair of Manolo-Blancos," Diane mused._

"_A new stove," Mike pondered dreamily._

"_There's the cutest little cocktail dress in the closet," Maxie's eyes gleamed._

"_The rent…" Johnny thought wistfully. _

"_Okay," it was Carly taking charge of the party. "The decorations have all been hung on the tree. Mike has provided us with this great spread. Let's eat everyone."_

_Spinelli didn't even hear her. He was standing there carefully turning the pages of the book, occasionally stopping to read and reflect upon a passage. _

_Jax pulled a digital camera out of his pocket and called, "Spinelli!" When he looked up, Jax said, "I wanted a picture of you with your first antique book."_

"_My first?" Spinelli couldn't envision how he would ever acquire a second. _

"_You never know," Jax said with a cryptic smile. "Now, hold it up and say cheese!" He looked at his screen, "That'll do. You should go get something to eat but remember our deal about the book."_

_Spinelli nodded his head solemnly and looked around for some safe haven in which he could temporarily deposit his prized possession. His eyes alighted on Jason. "Stone Cold, would you be agreeable to guarding the Jackal's newest acquisition whilst he gets some sustenance?"_

_Touched that he trusted him to take care of the book when it was clear he didn't even want to let it out of his hands, Jason nodded. He looked down at the book Spinelli had given him. He couldn't see what all the excitement was about. It just looked like an old book to him. _

_Jason looked over at Jax and found that he was staring back at him, a quizzical expression on his face. "Jax," God, he didn't want to be indebted to the cocky Australian. "I was wondering," he motioned to the camera that Jax held, "if maybe I could get a copy of that picture you just took. I don't have any pictures of Spinelli." It was so hard admitting his shortcomings to this man who had been Sonny's enemy for so long and therefore, had become a de facto one to Jason as well._

_Jax didn't gloat at Jason's confession that he didn't have any photographs of Spinelli. He just nodded his head agreeably and said, "Sure, I'll take some more of him and everyone here at the party and then I'll get copies to you by the New Year. Suit you okay?" _

"_Yeah, thanks," Jason was surprised to find himself in a civilized conversation with Jax and that it wasn't nearly as difficult as he had imagined it to be._

"_Jason," this time Jax was initiating things. "I can suggest some things for you to read."_

"_Read?" Jason's brow furrowed as he tried to comprehend what Jax was talking about. "What do you mean?" He asked him bluntly._

"_I saw the look on your face when Spinelli rattled on about Shelley. I would venture to guess that it's not the first time that you have had no idea what he's talking about."_

"_It's an hourly occurrence," Jason admitted sardonically much to Jax's amazement. He wouldn't have guessed that Jason thought much about the disparity between his and Spinelli's interests. He knew that Spinelli tried to emulate many aspects of Jason's world but he rather doubted the reverse was true._

"_Well, in terms of literature I can give you some titles, some ideas about various books that you could read and perhaps discuss with Spinelli."_

"_Why don't you do that? Discuss books and poetry with him?" Jason challenged him. _

"_I would, I can," Jax gave a self-deprecating shrug. "It wouldn't mean as much though. Spinelli doesn't happen to think that the sun only rises and sets because I give it the say so…" _

"_He doesn't think that about me either." Jason scoffed._

"_No?" Jax just let the word dangle in the air between them._

_Sighing, Jason ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. Two things were currently happening here that he didn't particularly care for. The first was that he didn't want to like Jax but it was beginning to look like a losing battle. Anyone that looked out for Spinelli's best interests as he appeared to be doing couldn't be all bad. The second seemed to be that Jason was going to have a pile of unwanted books on his nightstand shortly. Even worse was the thought of the tutorials in Spinelli-speak he would get as his roommate ecstatically rambled on about the finer points of some classic tale or piece of poetry. Well, he had asked for penance and it now looked as though he had indeed received penance. He had just never realized the strange form it would take._

_Jason said softly, resignation clearly evident in his tone, "Maybe you can include that list with the pictures when you send them over."_

_Jax grinned wickedly at him. "Will do. I'm feeling a little peckish, I think I'll go get something to eat." He started to move towards the buffet table._

"_Jax," Jason called after him._

_He stopped and looked back, "Yeah?"_

"_Thanks…for everything, for what you did for Spinelli. Thank you."_

"_You're welcome, Jason." He paused and gazed over at Spinelli. "He's a special kid-I mean man. He's worth it."_

_The doorbell rang and Jason went to answer it since everyone else was busy eating. It was Marty. _

"_Sorry, I'm later than expected but the fax didn't come in until just a couple of minutes ago." He took off his snow covered coat and handed it to Jason who shook it over a rubber mat before hanging it on the coat rack Carly had found someplace. _

"_You got it?" Jason put his hand out and Marty put a flat box into it. "Good job, thanks Marty. Did they agree to the other part?"_

"_Yeah, I think you'll be shelling out a fair amount of cash but they said you could have them if you were really going follow through with what you said."_

"_Okay, I'll have Bernie contact them after Christmas. Come on in and have something to eat."_

"_Here's your change." Marty handed him some bills and coins._

"_You can keep it. As a matter of fact…" Jason started to reach for his wallet._

"_No thanks, Mr. Morgan. I didn't do this for money. I did it as a favor to Spinelli."_

_Jason had the grace to look abashed as he took the money from Marty and put it into his wallet. "Sorry. Sometimes I don't think. And it's Jason."_

_Marty nodded his head, not at all sure that he could ever handle calling one of the local mob bosses by his first name. He had no idea how Spinelli managed to both work and live with this man that Marty himself found so intimidating. "Not only live with," he reflected, "Jason actually seems to care about him…" Marty wasn't sure whether than meant he should feel sorry for or be envious of Spinelli._

_People chatted and ate. Everyone mingled except for Jason who stood off to the sidelines. Some people came to him-Carly, Sam, and Robin who let him hold baby Emma again. Jason looked down at her as she gurgled up at him happy and content. Ordinarily, holding a baby would make him think of Jake but not tonight. _

_Instead as he held Emma he looked over at Spinelli who was in the middle of a group consisting of Maxie, Lulu, Johnny and Marty. Everyone, including Spinelli, looked happy and relaxed. Still, Jason knew how many demons, both hidden and not, that Spinelli carried. He wondered what kind of person he would have been if he had been given a safe and secure childhood like little Emma. Jason recognized that realistically he couldn't do anything to change Spinelli's past but he was determined to affect his present and future in the most proactive way he could. _

_Finally, people began to depart. First went Robin, Patrick and Emma who were followed shortly by Carly, Jax and Morgan. Spinelli stopped Carly as she was putting her coat on. _

"_The Jackal wishes to express his deepest gratitude to the Valkyrie for all her most diligent and exceptional efforts in creating this memorable evening." He paused and then said with total sincerity, "I have never had anyone do anything remotely so special for me." _

"_My pleasure, Spinelli." Carly smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. "Besides, I owe you one."_

"_What could the Valkyrie possibly be indebted to the Jackal for?" He asked in confusion._

"_I don't need to worry about Jason nearly as much now that you're here to take care of him."_

"_He takes care of me as well," he said truthfully._

"_That's how it should be," she said patting his cheek. "Merry Christmas, Spinelli!"_

_The last to leave was Maxie. "Walk me to my car, Spinelli," she demanded._

"_Accompanying you would be the Jackal's delight," he responded gallantly. "Stone Cold," he turned back to Jason who was already clearing off the buffet table. "I will be back after escorting Maximista to her conveyance. At that time the Jackal will assist his Master in restoring the penthouse to its usual pristine state."_

"_Take your time," Jason waved him off. "Merry Christmas, Maxie."_

"_Merry Christmas, Jason," Maxie said startled to hear the words come from him. "Let's go, Spinelli."_

_She started as soon as they were riding down in the elevator. "Are you okay, Spinelli?" She asked studying him with concern._

"_Of course, why should Maximista be worried about the Jackal?" He hadn't realized _this_ was the reason she had asked him to go with her. He should have known better, he pitied the mugger that tried to take on Maxie Jones._

"_Let me see your hands," she grabbed them before he could protest. She looked at the ugly cuts scoring his palms and looked up at him wide-eyed. "I saw the way you were carefully holding things all night. What happened?"_

_The elevator pinged and they stepped out into the parking garage. Spinelli sighed, he couldn't tell her. What had occurred last night needed to stay between him and Stone Cold. "The Jackal cut his hands on some broken glass that's all."_

"_When Jason came in to Crimson today he was acting really weird. He was trying to find you and he was especially nice to me-it was strange." She reflected for a moment, remembering how surrealistic the entire encounter had truly been. "Anyway, he said you guys had a fight and that he needed to find you to make things right. Did you cut your hands during the fight?" _

_Maxie frowned as she looked at him. She sensed that Spinelli was holding something back. That wasn't like him. He told her everything, or at least he did if it wasn't connected to mob business and sometimes even then he did._

"_Something like that," Spinelli said evasively. "Stone Cold found the Jackal, our dispute was resolved and all is well." He grinned at her, hoping that she would stop interrogating him._

_Maxie cocked her head and stared at him. He wasn't going to tell her, at least not right now. She decided to let it go for the moment. Things seemed good between him and Jason and the party had been fun. It was Christmas Eve and soon it would be New Year's. She intended to have Spinelli all to herself on that evening._

"_Okay," she said giving in graciously. "I'm glad things are good between you guys." She leaned in to kiss him chastely on the cheek, "Merry Christmas, Spinelli. I'll see you soon." _

_Spinelli put his hand on the spot she had kissed. His skin was tingling as it did every time Maximista kissed or even just touched him. "Merry Christmas, Maximista. Drive carefully. The Jackal's enjoyment of this evening was greatly enhanced by your vivacious presence at the festivities."_

_She giggled at him in reply and waved airily as she climbed behind the wheel. A breezy, "Bye, Spinelli!" and she was gone. He stood there staring after her until he could no longer see her car's tail lights. With a sigh, he turned towards the elevators and home. _

_When Spinelli returned to the penthouse he found that Jason had efficiently cleaned up all the debris left by the guests. He was sitting on the couch. In front of him was a bowl of water and a variety of other materials._

"_Spinelli," he ordered, "Come sit down. I'm going to bandage your hands."_

"_Stone Cold…" was as far as Spinelli got before he was stopped by the glare in Jason's eyes. _

_Obediently, he sat down and held out his hands. Jason began with the right hand. He tried to be gentle as he used the warm water from the bowl to irrigate the cuts but Spinelli couldn't help flinching at the stinging sensation. _

"_Sorry," Jason muttered, he didn't like causing him pain but it had to be done. He thought that talking might keep Spinelli's mind off what he was doing, especially since the next thing was going to be probing with tweezers for any trapped glass fragments. "Where did you sleep last night?" He asked it as casually as he could. He knew it couldn't have been the church, they locked up after a certain hour._

"_The…the bus station." Spinelli said in a low voice, certain that Jason wouldn't approve._

_He was right. "The bus station!" Jason looked up at him, his jaw muscle clenched. "That wasn't the smartest choice. It's not safe there. Why didn't you get a motel room?"_

"_The Jackal's wallet was taken from his pocket without his awareness." He mumbled, his face red with embarrassment._

_Jason sighed. It could have been much worse he knew. He started in on Spinelli's left hand and worked in silence for a few minutes in order to calm down. "Were you going to catch a bus?" he spoke tentatively, his heart constricted at the thought of Spinelli leaving town and how much harder it would have been to find him. He knew for a fact that he would have tracked him down one way or the other._

_Spinelli smiled a little, though Jason didn't see it with his head bowed over the hand he was probing. "The Jackal had determined to stay in Port Charles prior to his wallet being taken. He couldn't leave with things unsettled between Stone Cold and himself. He didn't want to lose the other connections he has established here either and tonight was ample proof that the decision to stay was eminently correct." _

_Spinelli knew he could never tell Jason about the two young men that had threatened him with a baseball bat at two a.m. They were only scared off by an elderly security guard making his rounds. He knew that the youths would have been facing the wrath of Stone Cold this very night if he told Jason. Still, it might prevent future mayhem at the bus station he thought speculatively. It was a dilemma indeed and he decided to sleep on it._

"_I'm very glad you made the choice you did, Spinelli." Jason spoke quietly, but the emotion in his voice was clearly audible. _

_He proceeded to put antibiotic salve on each of Spinelli's hands. Then he put a combination of steri-strips and band-aids on the cuts. He finished off by covering both hands in a layer of gauze._

"_There," he finally looked up at Spinelli, there was a sheen of tears coating his eyes. "I'll look at them tomorrow. If they get any worse, we'll be going to the hospital." His statement was absolute, Spinelli knew better than to argue with him. _

"_Thank you, Jason," he said simply._

_Jason got up and moved over to the desk and came back carrying the flat box he had received from Marty earlier. "This is for you," he handed it to Spinelli._

"_Stone Cold," Spinelli didn't want one more material thing. He was overcome, his ego had barely managed to deal with all the attention lavished on it tonight. He needed time to process everything that had happened over the last several days, not another gift. "The Jackal has received more than enough from you today. He doesn't require any further indication of your regard."_

"_This isn't a Christmas present, Spinelli. It's something that you should have had a long time ago. I just happened to get it today." _

_Jason saw that Spinelli really didn't want the package so he lifted the lid, and handed what was inside to him. Spinelli looked at what Jason was holding out to him, it was a plain silver picture frame. The picture it held was a black and white photograph. Something about it was familiar but he couldn't quite say what. Reluctantly, he took it from Jason and perused it. It was obviously not the original picture. Spinelli guessed it had come through a fax machine. It depicted a young woman, a teenager, he amended. She was dressed in a white formal gown and a cape or a robe. The kind that high school students used to wear when they were crowned king and queen of this or that dance… He looked more closely at the face of the girl in the photograph, she looked like someone he knew…_

_Stunned, Spinelli looked up at Jason. "Is this...is she…?" He couldn't get the words out, it was too painful._

_Jason nodded. "Yeah, that's your Mother. Gina Marie Spinelli-homecoming queen-1985. She's pretty. Your grandmother was right-you have her hair and her smile."_

_Spinelli peered at the photograph. The girl was laughing at something or someone outside the picture. She was wearing a tiara and carrying a bouquet. She did indeed have Spinelli's hair-he had her hair he corrected himself. It was thick and dark and piled high on her head but unruly tendrils had escaped and were cascading down her neck and her cheeks. They made her look young and vulnerable. _

"_Gina Marie Spinelli," he rolled the syllables around in his mouth-his mother. "How did you find this?" He looked at Jason with incredulity._

_He shrugged deprecatingly, "The Oakfield High School Yearbook. Marty helped me. He made a lot of phone calls. It was Christmas Eve and no one was at the school. He had to get the school librarian at home and then she agreed to dig out the yearbook and fax the picture. Good thing it's small town and everyone knows everyone, it made it easier."_

"_Mrs. Grimble? Mrs. Grimble agreed to leave her home on Christmas Eve and go to the library and find a twenty year old picture and fax it to you? Mrs. Grimble?" _

_Now Spinelli knew something was off, there was no way. She was known as the biggest misanthrope in three counties. There was absolutely no way she had done this out of the goodness of her heart. It was common knowledge that she possessed no heart and therefore would live forever tormenting countless Oakfield high school students in the process. What had Stone Cold promised to get this single photograph and how was Spinelli ever going to repay him?_

"_What guarantee did you undertake to get this photograph, Stone Cold?" He could barely tear his eyes from her image but he had to know, he had to._

"_It's not important," Jason tried to divert him. "They're going to see if they can find the original negatives and if not they'll send all the yearbooks for every grade that she attended school. So, you'll get this picture and quite a few others."_

_It was amazing and it was awful all at the same time. "Stone Cold, you must tell the Jackal what surety you have pledged to make this impossibility reality. Please…"_

_Jason sighed, he knew how tenacious Spinelli could be. "I'm donating the funds for a new computer lab at the high school. It will be called the Gina Marie Spinelli Computer Center."_

"_Stone Cold!" Spinelli was elated, he was appalled. He was touched, he was despondent. "How will the Jackal ever settle his debt to you? No one has ever done such a thing for the Jackal in his life, no one."_

"_It's me that owes you Spinelli, not the other way around. I owe you more than I can ever make right. Money doesn't matter. It's only good for doing things like this, for making things happen. It doesn't purchase happiness or joy or family or love or any of the important things in life. It's about time that someone did do something like this for you. Don't you dare think you're not worth it, don't you dare!" _

_Jason's eyes were blazing as he looked directly at Spinelli. He needed him to hear what he was telling him. Spinelli had to understand how important and worthwhile he was. God! Jason hated whoever had caused him to think so little of himself._

_Spinelli looked down at the picture in his hands. He finally had a picture of his Mother and that was important but it really didn't mean anything different in the larger sense. She still had chosen to leave him, she was still missing from his life. He didn't even know if she was dead or alive. No, he realized the truly valuable thing that occurred here tonight had in a way nothing to do with his Mother at all. It had to with the fact that he now had incontrovertible proof that he was loved and cherished. Stone Cold had done all this for him…for Spinelli, for the Jackal. He was his family and always would be. For the first time in his life Damian Spinelli was loved and wanted and belonged. He realized that the alien feeling that was flooding through him at this moment had a name, it was just something he had never experienced before-it was peace._

_He walked over to the mantelpiece and put the picture on it right next to all the people that were important to Jason. Jason watching him and thought contentedly that in a few days the photographs would be joined by a new addition-one of Spinelli. _

_Spinelli walked over to Jason and without asking for permission or hesitating wrapped his arms around him and hugged him. Jason hugged him back, blinking away tears. _

"_Thank you, Stone Cold for everything. I love you."_

"_Love you too, Spinelli. We'll always be family to each other. You know that right?"_

"_Yes, I know that Jason. The Jackal has only one small concern at the moment."_

"_Which is?" Jason didn't know if he could take anymore emotional drama tonight. He had experienced his year's quota during one very long day._

"_The Jackal is ashamed," Spinelli voice was muffled. He was speaking into Jason's shoulder. "He can't believe he never thought to check the back issues of the yearbooks at the very school he attended. What kind of private investigator does that make him?"_

"_You were too close to it, Spinelli, too emotionally involved. Besides you were a lot younger then."_

"_Yes, but if the Jackal had simply gone in and scissored out all the relevant pictures those many years ago he would have saved Stone Cold quite a sizeable amount of money." Spinelli had pulled back and was grinning at Jason._

"_Are you saying that the students of Oakfield don't deserve a state of the art computer lab?" Jason was teasing him._

"_Well, I only wish we had some sort of benefactor like Stone Cold back when I was a student at that less than stellar institution. Still, it is for a good cause. Thank you for naming it after my Mother." Spinelli yawned. He was exhausted he had barely slept during the last forty-eight hours._

"_Go to bed, it's late." Jason scolded him, thankful he was back where he belonged._

"_The Jackal concurs. Goodnight, Stone Cold. Merry Christmas."_

"_Merry Christmas, Spinelli. Sleep well." _

_Jason went around turning off lights and dousing the fire just as he had done the night before. This time there was no disturbing echo of double days to distract and confuse him. It looked as though everything was back the way it was meant to be. _

_He climbed the stairs and went down the hall to Spinelli's room. His brother had just collapsed on the bed and was already asleep. Jason pulled off his shoes and tucked him under the covers. He reached down and pushed his hair out of his face. _

"_Welcome back home, Spinelli," he murmured. _

_He left the door ajar and headed down the hall to his room. He knew he would sleep soundly tonight. He left his own door cracked open. Jason wanted to be able to hear his brother if he needed him in the night._


End file.
